Anime Crush List ♡

Yes, I’m a 28-year old married woman gushing about my hypothetical harem of 2D dudes. Get over it.

You see, there is something just sublime about anime boys…

Their perfectly crafted, perfectly symmetrical faces, all straight lines and triangular jaws and angled eyebrows…

Hair that maintains its immaculate styling and gloss no matter how many egotistical would-be world conquerors they’ve just defeated in battle, how many physically impossible sports matches they’ve just won…

Perfectly drawn chiseled torsos (although sometimes mysteriously bereft of nipples depending on the anime-verse)…

Eyes that gleam golden or purple or red, or change color when they’re angry or when they’ve awakened some hidden bloodline ability or activated their latent powers…

I am getting carried away but you get the point.

After much deliberation and about five drafts, I am releasing my ranked list below (top-left to bottom-right).

Note my self-imposed rule of only one character per anime (otherwise half of these would have been from Naruto).

And I’m really sorry to those left out – don’t worry, I still have plenty of space in my heart to love you all.

[EDIT: I recently reread and rewatched all of Death Note, till episode 24 because that’s where the manga/anime ends and L figures it all out and he wins and goes and opens a cake / tea shop with Levi from Shingeki or something and it highlighted my gross and frankly inexcusable oversight. Because Ryuzaki / L. Lawliet is not honorable mention material. No, Ryuzaki / L. Lawliet is prime husband material. He is top-row-of-my-collage-that-I-cannot-be-bothered-to-remake material. He is worthy-of-watching-youtube-videos-that-feature-him-eating-for-fifteen-minutes material. I am in love with him and everything he does. Sorry, Oikawa, you’re off the list.]

Crush #1: Uchiha Itachi-kun ♡ [Naruto]

Itachi is the love of my life, and the reason for many tears and much heartache over the past few years.

I cried when he died. I cried when we died in flashback. I cried when he came back. I cried when he died again. I have the Japanese recording of ‘no matter what you do, I will always love you’ saved as an mp3 file on my phone.

Let’s forget the moral arguments surrounding the whole massacre for a moment and just talk about what a SELF-SACRIFICING SWEETHEART he is. Not to mention OP as hell when he fights.

I mean, Sasuke only won against him because 1) Itachi was sick and 2) Itachi was actively trying to lose. Has Itachi ever actually been defeated by anyone when it wasn’t intentional on his part? No. Not to mention he is SO damned smart, like the whole 5-D chess thing with kotoamatsukami…

Speaking of genjutsu, Itachi-kun please feel free to tsukiyo-ME like you did Izumi Uchiha so we can have 72 hours of marital bliss and dango dates and – OK. I’M DONE.

Favorite feature: eyes / eyelashes – not for the Mangekyou Sharingan (which is HOT) but the general shape, they’re so beautifully drawn. Also that luscious hair.

Favorite moment: Sorry, Sasuke, this is the last time. Oh, and also that rhythmic gymnastic shuriken scene that’s been flashback-ed to like a zillion times. Oh, and when he cries after the whole ‘foolish little brother’ spiel. OH, and when – ok, I’ll stop.

I will sum up my ode to Itachi with a haiku that I wrote in college, with the limited vocabulary of a Japanese 101 student. I thought it was genius back then. I mean, I kind of still do.

イタチくん

あいしてるけど

しんだよね

Translation: Itachi, I love you, but you’re dead

Honorable mentions from Naruto: Namikaze Minato, Hyuuga Neji (*cries, why are they all dead*)

Crush #2: Tachibana Makoto-kun ♡ [Free!]

There is nothing even controversial about this one. Makoto is the perfect friend / brother / son to everyone around him. And the perfect husband, and perfect father to my imaginary backstroking babies. Also, his seiyuu (voice actor) is very attractive.

And his abs. And his chest. There is a reason he won that muscle contest in season 1.

And when he plays with little kids he’s so sweet and I just melt like ice in a katon jutsu and sakdjfbskdfsdg

So I actually took a solo trip to Iwami (that’s the town in Japan that Iwatobi was inspired by, maybe I’ll make a post about it later). I stood outside the house that Makoto-kun’s house is based off of, like some kind of creepy stalker, and pretended I was, you know, waiting for him or something, you know, like for a date.

My lovely husband (then boyfriend) also had the overwhelming patience to come with me to Iwami a SECOND TIME and he did a really good impression of Makoto’s voice, so, yeah… I mean it was lots of ‘ohayou, Haru-chan’ and hand-pulling. Unfortunately he refused to do the voice when we – OKAY TMI.

Favorite feature: chest / abs

Favorite moment: the one pictured because his hair looks sexy pushed back (see, I can do non-anime references too!)

Honorable mentions from Free!: Kirishima Natsuya-kun hot damn. Also Matsuoka Rin but mostly because I love his voice actor.

Crush #3: Ryota Kise-kun ♡ [Kuroko’s Basketball]

I sobbed after the Kaijou-Touou match. My heart literally folded over in my chest and I was bawling.

As for the Seirin-Kaijou Winter Cup match. Well. I mean. Kise dominated and Kaijou won, right?? I mean. I stopped watching when there were only about 5 seconds left, but Kaijou was winning so THEY OBVIOUSLY WON RIGHT??!! It’s not like you can score in the last 5 seconds. Psh.

But yes, Kise-kun. Copy Ninja Kise with his golden Sharingan. I am convinced he is the strongest out of the Generation of Miracles (fight me!)

The logic behind this conclusion follows thusly: the others have years of experience on him. Kise-kun only started in his second year at Teikou. So by the time the Winter Cup rolled around, he’d only had 2-3 years to play, compared to Aomine who’d been playing for 10+ years. Kise-kun is OP and he’s only going to get stronger. And hotter, if he just stops cutting his damn hair.

Favorite feature: eyes / eyelashes (especially when he does perfect copy and they get all glowy and intense)

Favorite moment: when he copies Aomine and manages to score after being fouled mid-air (you know the one, with the smirk). All the perfect copy moments are pretty great though.

Honorable mention from Kuroko: Akashi-kun but only because I adore his voice actor Kamiya Hiroshi (Levi-heichou!)

Crush #4: Jean Kirstein ♡ [Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan]

I know he’s not the top pick for most readers but honestly, if you’re up to date with the manga, please tell me he’s not great boyfriend / husband material. He’s flawed, yes, but he’s real, and he’s honest – and he’s improved himself. His character development has been one of my favorites to witness, and his leadership skills are top-notch.

And since when is looking like a horse a bad thing?! Post-timeskip his character design became soooo dreamy. Mikasa, girl, you need to ditch Ereh the dinosaur, and go for the stallion! Make all those panels of his daydream come true!

Favorite feature: HAIR. Post-timeskip. See I typically have a deep-seated aversion towards post-timeskip hairstyle changes (Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, Kise-kun, I am looking at you) but in Jean’s case. Wow. Yee-haw.

Favorite moment: when he can’t shoot that military police girl. I think his inability to do it says so much about his morality – no matter the circumstances, he’s just not a killer. He really struggles afterwards, and I think that speaks to how pure of a person he is.

Honorable mention from Shingeki no Kyojin: my precious chibi shuriken Levi-heichou (like with Akashi-kun, a majority of the attraction here is his voice)

Crush #5: Hayama Akira-kun ♡ [Shokugeki no Souma]

MY FELLOW DESI BOY!

I am certain Akira-kun is Indian and nothing anyone says will convince me otherwise. I mean, I’m Indian. Us desis, we can sense the desi-ness in one another. A desi radar, so to speak.

Jun found him in India, right? And all he cooks is South Indian curry! I was so happy to have Indian representation in anime, not to mention he has the whole Itachi hairstyle going so that’s always plus points from me.

See, I can’t cook, so it makes perfect sense for me to marry him. He can just cook me delicious Indian curry every day and I will never feel homesick. We can also bond about shared experiences and whatnot, being Indians living in Japan. It’s a match made in anime heaven!

Favorite feature: skin (such a beautiful color), Itachi-hair

Favorite moment: this has more to do with which dish of his I crave most, so it would have to be the Autumn Election naan pot pie curry

Honorable mention from Shokugeki: Kurokiba Ryou-kun because if Akira-kun has the Itachi vibe going on, Ryou-kun definitely has the Sasuke vibe.

Crush #6: Gary Oak ♡ [Pokémon]

The one anime where I watch the dub instead of the sub.

Gary Oak was my first crush ever. I think I was six. At first I thought I might have a crush on Ash – but then Gary rolled by in his ferrari, and his Eevee and the whole suave ‘Gary was here, Ash is a loser’ thing which I thought was so cool as a six-year-old – and I was swept off my feet.

And then in Johto he got boots and a cape and his Eevee evolved into Umbreon, who is, incidentally my favorite Pokémon ever! (and also the Pokémon version of Itachi). So all that amped up his cool factor.

And then he got a LAB COAT which made him even cooler.

And yes, I realize he’s a bit of an arrogant twat and his voice is a tad grating (like the Janice of the Pokémon world) but he’s also GARY F****** OAK. No, I don’t mean to use expletives, but there’s that song. You must have heard of it? You know, he’s Gary F****** Oak, he’s on a boat, something like that. It’s on YouTube and it’s amazing.

I liked Gary so much that I sometimes lost to him on purpose (well actually Blue, but let’s assume they’re the same for now) just so I’d get to battle him again.

I liked Gary so much that once I named my character something really stupid just so it’d seem like he was flirting with me each time I encountered him.

He was the best rival. He was the strongest rival. He was the ultimate rival (unlike all those sycophantic weaklings that follow you around nowadays, trying to be your friend; like damnit Sana/Hau/Hop, leave me alone! See if it were Gary, I’d actually probably want to be his friend though… eventually… after he’d trash-talked and destroyed me a few times because I’m kind of a masochist).

And, he had the best damn soundtrack.

Favorite feature: hair that defies gravity (like Kakashi-sensei!) and dress sense (cape + boots can never go wrong)

Favorite moment: this very specific shot during the Johto opening song where he whirls around in his cape and Umbreon jumps onto his shoulder

Honorable mention from Pokémon: Champion Lance (I have a thing for capes, okay) and obviously Ash Ketchum, the boy of eternal youth – at least before they changed his character design for Sun/Moon. I actually like Red more than Ash. And Blue, of course, if we’re distinguishing. Red and Blue are >>> Ash and Gary. And the Pokémon manga is >>> the anime. But that’s a conversation for another time.

Crush #7: Kururugi Suzaku-kun ♡ [Code Geass]

Another slightly controversial one perhaps, though I’ve never quite understood all the animosity direct at him. I guess his position on things is a bit sketchy at times. And let’s forget about the whole Freya debacle for a moment because in case you may not have noticed, this is an entirely shallow post and I do not want to be dragged into moral debates, even within my own mind.

I always thought I’d like Lelouch best, but somehow as the anime progressed, I found myself more drawn to Suzaku. I think a part of it was because of Lancelot. If I were a knightmare and knightmares were sentient, I’d have a crush on Lancelot. When I was in high school I wanted to buy a white convertible car and name it Lancelot.

Ok, enough about Lancelot the sexiest knightmare frame ever. Back to Suzaku. He also does the whole spin-kick thing. I don’t know what it is about me, but spinning in anime is somehow way cooler than it ought to be.

Levi-heichou does it. Suzaku does it.

I don’t remember what the timeline was like, but there was definitely a point in my life where I was into the brown-hair-green-eye aesthetic, what with Makoto and Suzaku, and also Eren at the time.

Favorite feature: eyes

Favorite moment: spin-kick from above during Lelouch’s coronation

Crush #8: Tooru Oikawa-kun ♡ [Haikyuu!]

So a part of me will admit that the main reason I like him is because he is the Kise Ryouta of the volleyball world. Basically, if I’d broken up with Kise-kun and needed a rebound, Oikawa-kun would be it.

BUT I also love his form when he does the jump serve. And Seijoh’s jersey is turquoise which is my favorite color. So, extra points to Oikawa-kun for that.

Favorite feature: I realized that objectively, I do not actually like his aesthetic / design that much. I don’t find the character designs in Haikyuu! all that attractive in general. But somehow, overall – he makes it work. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps just his inherent Kise-ness?

Favorite moment: any of the jump serves really, I love watching those each time

Crush #9: Legolas Greenleaf ♡ [The Lord of the Rings]

Okay, so I realize that Orlando Bloom is a real person. And the Lord of the Rings was never an anime. But it just felt wrong making a list of fictional crushes and not having Legolas on it. That’s like Shingeki without the Kyojin. Or Free! without the pools. Or Shokugeki without the food. You get my gist.

I was, and still am, a proud Legolas fangirl. And I reject the non-canon affections he had on Tauriel because you know what, those weren’t in the book.

Nor were some of his fight scenes, but you’d assume Tolkien would have written in something as crucial as romance for a semi-titular character (*cough appendices cough*).

Anyways. Back to Legolas Greenleaf.

When I was ten, I had a poster of him in my room, gifted to me by my best friend. It’s crumpled and tattered and yellowed but I still have it. Somewhere.

I had his photograph in my wallet, and my locker was a shrine to him.

I’d write his name and my name (in Elvish, obviously) inside of a little heart, all over my school notebooks.

I had a list of Legolas-centric e-mail IDs, proudly created (before some other nazgul could steal them!) and circulated during my naive high school years – legolasluver@ and mrsgreenleaf@ – that type of thing. Clearly, my creativity knew no bounds back then.

I have forgotten the passwords to all of them, but it’s probably something in Elvish. (mellon?)

Anyways, it’s safe to say that I was obsessed with Legolas. He’d actually be ranked right up there with Itachi. The only reason he’s at spot #9 is because he loses points for being portrayed by a 3-dimensional human. Not that I have anything against 3-dimensional humans but this is an anime listing so there are rules that have to be followed.

Favorite feature: ears (I once seriously considered getting plastic surgery on my ears. You know, to make them round. People can’t know I’m an elf and it’s tiring to constantly maintain the illusion. On a more serious note, I once photoshopped a bunch of my photos to make it look like I had pointed ears, and several of my friends actually believed I’d gotten surgery done).

Favorite moment: I can’t pick one so take my top 4 in chronological order: “I’ve got seventeen! Nineteen!”; sliding down stairs on orc shield at Helm’s Deep; oliphaunt at Pelennor Fields; Aragorn’s coronation in that gorgeous shimmery silver tunic

Honorable mentions from The Lord of the Rings (including the books) and I’m also going to throw Silmarillion in there because SO MANY CRUSH-WORTHY ELVES: Glorfindel and Fingolfin to name my favorites. Fingolfin is probably my favorite elf in the entire legendarium (well Fëanor too but he’s also kind of… not husband material). But he didn’t make the list because there’s no ‘official’ image of him for me to fangirl over. Oh, and from the men, Eomer. Aragorn is less of a crush and more of just, a God. Like the Valar, only he’s mortal and mostly human.

Honorable mentions from other anime:

Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood) – snap snap *bursts into flames*

L (Death Note) – Sasuke-hair, goth eyeshadow, various cute idiosyncrasies and somehow very attractive despite his deplorable posture – which I once emulated while studying for exams, and no, it did not improve my grades