Animal Crossing New Horizons Island Tour: Middle Earth Madness!

Animal Crossing New Horizons was a blessing from the Nintendo Gods.

You see, I am a bit of a control freak in that I enjoy meticulously planning what happens when and where and how – and watching things unfurl according to my plans. In the real world, this rarely happens. But in the perfectly programmed virtual world of ACNH… I was the God. I was the Valar. I was Yavanna, bestowing life to trees and flowers and shrubs, planting them amidst my paradise. I was Ulmo, creating lakes and rivers and waterfalls at the flick of my controller fingers. I was Aulë, the smith of the land, forging mountains and valleys and cheating the game to build on the fourth level.

I could control everything, including time (yes, I time-traveled, don’t judge). I mean, yes, some of more trivial – and frustrating – decision-making power was vested to those dratted algorithms, but there are ways around that (i.e. discord channels to trade simple panels, shelling out absurd amounts of money to buy amiibo cards on Mercari).

In the end, my hard work (which can be defined by ~400 hours of gameplay in the first 2 months) was rewarded and I got almost exactly what I wanted.

The problem was, I didn’t know what I wanted. Or rather, what I wanted fluctuated more wildly than Isabelle’s focus during daily announcements.

I redid my island from scratch 3 times – including terraforming and moving all the homes. At first I wanted to dedicate most of it to a Spirited Away-esque Japanese-style onsen area. Then I wanted to give the entire island a more natural aesthetic and give each villager their own 10 x 6 plot of land (uniquely decorated to suit their personalities) in my three-tier mountainous housing complex (with sea views, might I add!).

Finally, I realized the ultimate end-state of my island – it was so obvious, but perhaps I hadn’t had the guts to take on the challenge. Perhaps I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it justice. And perhaps, in a fit of short-sighted fatuity I had decided to name my island Valinor which, I am very well aware, is not Middle-Earth. Fool of a Took! Should’ve gone with Ennorath or Endor.

But eventually, I listened to the deep yearnings within my heart. No, not the sea. I made Middle-Earth! Or at least a mashup of various lands, incorporating elements from both the books and movies. And I present it to you below, in screenshots and in text.

Hobbiton

We start our journey at Bag-end. Note the no admittance sign, the green door and the tree right above the house. I had limitations with design of course, but I tried to emulate the general aesthetic.

We also have the party field (with cupcakes! and plenty of ale from the Green Dragon) along with a nice microphone stand. You know, for the speech.

I had a couple of other little hobbit homes (including Sprinkle – my favorite villager – who was supposed to be Sam, and had plenty of gardening clothes, a water pump and a clothesline in her backyard) and a nice bridge by the river. Crossing the bridge (beware of black riders!) brings you to…

Rivendell

We have the Council of Elrond, with the One Ring to Rule Them All right in the middle. I edited some custom paths to give them Elvish designs, and I can’t decide whether they’re tacky or fabulous. There are plenty of rivers and waterfalls in Rivendell, so I had fun with the terraforming. And that money-grubbing leech Tom Nook had fun with my wallet.

Not pictured here is Aragorn and Arwen’s make-out spot (with lots of shiny seashell furniture) and also the hot springs complex. Because, you know, I had a couple varieties of outdoor baths and springs leftover and it would be such a waste. And if anywhere in Middle-Earth had outdoor baths, you think it would be Rivendell, right?

Ooh, and I also made an outdoor spa. You know, for healing and whatnot. Frodo deserves a nice organic Elvish massage after being stabbed with a ringwraith’s sword, don’t you think?

Mines of Moria

Okay, I kind of skimped on this one. It’s just a big hole in the ground. But you have the Bridge of Khazad-dûm here, and I can tell you it’s a pain to get across! Not to mention all the Balrog fire! See the hole beneath those two flame? Well, that’s where Gandalf and the Balrog fell down, down, down…

On the left, you can see what I imagine is a strangely preserved corpse of Durin. Yep, I used all the dwarf statues to represent dead dwarves. Morbid, eh? And then scattered some rocks, iron ore and gold ore around to add to the whole mine aesthetic.

After enduring the terror and heat of Moria, it’s time for a respite, in…

Lothlorein

This photo doesn’t do it justice, and Lorein is really prettier at night. I have star shards and lights and glowy mushrooms casting everything in this ethereal Elven glow.

Note the harp (you know, so they can cry and sing sad songs about Mithrandir) and the basin. The tailor is also in Lorein, because Galadriel is obviously The Fashionista of Middle-Earth. She needs some Elven swag to pair with Nenya.

Edoras

Duh-duh-duh-duh-DUUUH-DUUUH-DUUUH-DUUUH

*violin (and tears) intensify*

If you read that without hearing it in your head, I don’t think I can be friends with you. Well, that’s fine, because I probably don’t actually know you.

Anyways, here we are: Rohan, Land of the Horse Lords. There’s something strange at work here. Some evil gives speed to these creatures, sets it’s will against us.

But we have here the Golden Hall of Meduseld. And horses, lots of horses! And homes thatched with hay! So in order to get the hay homes, I got a couple of the horse villagers like Victoria who I didn’t want. (The resident horse spot has already been taken to Colton, whom I adore). But then I time-skipped when she was moving out, so my new villager (my little tsundere squirrel MARSHALL) was stuck with her exterior.

We also see here the Simbelmynë – the delicate white flower that grows on the graves of Théodred and all the fallen Rohirrim.

And of course, given we are in Rohan now, you know what happens next, right? Well…

The beacons of Minas Tirith! The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid!

And Rohan will answer! MUSTER THE ROHIRRIM!

Ride now! Ride to Gondor!

Minas Tirith

Duh-DUH-DUUUUUH-Duh-Duh-DUUUH-DUUUH

We have just passed into the Realm of Gondor!

Minas Tirith was a pain to build. Do you know how many customized white panels that thing took?! These photos don’t really capture the magnitude of the thing. I must have time-travelled for months to collect everything before I could begin construction.

I am, however, quite proud of the top level. That bonsai is supposed to represent the White Tree. Just go with it, okay. It can be the Pink Tree of Gondor. Whatever. Yavanna was feeling edgy or something.

You have the Tower of Ecthelion, and of course the Beacon of Gondor. Which is LIT, just because. I tried making the courtyard with the fountain look the way it did in the movie. We also have on the right the palantir, and tons of GONDOR GEAR. I designed so much Gondor gear in ACNH – a cap, a varsity jacket, tank tops. I wish that stuff existed in real life because I would be rocking it 24/7.

The rest of Minas Tirith is just a collection of white objects really. In front you have Pelennor Fields, still littered with the remnants of battle. Why is the battle already over when the One Ring is still in Rivendell? Don’t ask me, I was going for aesthetic, not timeline consistency, okay.

You see the fallen axe and half the skeleton of a decaying oliphuant because damn fossils, I am sick of digging up freaking coprolite, it is cheap and looks like a pile of manure!

Obviously, it was the one that Legolas kills. And no, Gimli, you buffoon. That does NOT only count as one. Oliphaunts count for like 50 orcs, at least.

Isengard, Fangorn Forest, The Argonath (damnit Redd, I need a second gallant statue!) are still in progress. As are the Grey Havens (because I need to do something with all that beach space).

Anyways, hoped you enjoyed my virtual tour and blathering commentary. Oh, that’s why he’s named that. Huh, I just figured it out.

Namárië, mellon. May the Light of Eärendil be with you.