My issues with Arondir

as written by a Silmarillion-worshipping, non-RoP-watching fan of *color* (yep, I have dark skin too).

I swear on Feanor’s burning silmarils that I am not racist. Nor am I “patently evil” as Amazon seems to think all non-lovers of the series are.

I also have chosen to distance myself from trigger-inducing RoP discourse, by, well, not watching the series. For now. I’ll probably watch it, eventually.

So for now, please note that the below spew of thoughts has been vomitted out from my brain without any actual experience-based judgement. I’ve seen reviewer videos and read up on the RoP plot, and that’s about it.

So. My issues with Arondir – based on the limited information I have of him – can be grouped into three categories, as below.

Issue #1: the styling

Yes, call me shallow. And also note that I say styling here, not casting. Because the actor has a certain quality to his face (the cheekbones! the ears!) that I can definitely see as being elvish.

So they got this attractive actor… and then did him what I think is a huge disservice by styling him like some sort of fodder character in a low-budget medieval fantasy game.

Why, Amazon, with your billion dollar budget, couldn’t you have given the guy a decent wig? Okay, so maybe you wanted to avoid dreads to avoid looking too House of the Dragon Velaryon. But PoC have so many amazing, diverse, complex hairstyles – many of which include braids, like Legolas had in the original trilogy – couldn’t you have given him one of those? Just imagine this actor with flowing, long braids…

Maybe a cool headpiece (or maybe not, maybe it doesn’t go with his vibe, I don’t know) and more elvish looking clothes. But if clothes / headpiece don’t make sense storyline-wise, at least the long braids!

On that note, Elrond’s and Finrod’s hairstlyes – from the few seconds of trailer I glimpsed – also offend me. They are too modern. Elrond looks more hobbit than elf. That one scene of Finrod has him looking less noble elven lord and more fratboy drenched in beer at a party. And like with Arondir… none of this is due to the casting, but rather the styling.

I’m sorry. I reiterate: I am shallow. The change in nose styles in Shingeki no Kyojin season 4 bothered me too, okay.

But being shallow – and wanting elves to have their distinct long, flowing hairstyles, as described in the books – does not mean I am racist! And I feel redirecting any criticism towards racism (as has been happening in media around the topic) is just wrong. A misdirection to hide the actual issues fans are complaining about.

Because most book fan criticism seems to stem around larger issues (plot, storylines, character development, inconsistencies with existing lore) that often have nothing to do with race. It’s unfair to generalize all haters as racist without logically considering the crux of their arguments. I mean, some racist trolls exist, yes, as they do in any fandom. But I don’t think they are the majority. And disliking certain aspects or decisions regarding Arondir’s character does not make me racist.

On the note of distinct, long, flowing hairstyles. I have been watching (and loving) House of the Dragon, and post-timeskip Aemond Targaryen… is perfection. He is the emo, goth, pirate Legolas I never knew I needed. And he is slowly turning me #teamgreen, one screenshot at a time. Can’t wait for that episode to release so I can finally see him for more than three seconds!

Issue #2: the romance

Ok. Again, I don’t actually know Arondir’s romantic storyline. But it seems he’s been paired with a human woman named Bronwyn.

So here is my issue with that. I believe Professor Tolkien explicitly mentions there were only ever three unions of Eldar and Edain (that is, elves and humans). Aragorn and Arwen, along with the lesser known Tuor-Idril and Silmarillion power couple and proud owners of the goodest boy in Tolkien lore Beren-Luthien. So then why, why introduce a fourth?

To me, this pairing – while being far less offensive than that Tauriel-Kili-Legolas travesty – seems wholly unneccessary, and also kind of contradicts a specific fact of lore. Maybe on screen it’s amazing. I haven’t watched it, so I don’t know.

I do understand making changes to source material (or in this case, entirely inventing material) for commercial purposes. Case in point, when they replaced my beautiful elf lord Glorfindel with Arwen. Salty as my pre-teen self was when it happened, I loved Liv Tyler’s Arwen and I loved the new scene. And I understand why it was important to establish Arwen’s character strongly in that film. But nobody wanted that Kili-Tauriel-Legolas setup and at the very least if you’re going to make my prince of Mirkwood fall in love have it be reciprocated because Legolas is too hot to have his heart broken alright.

So yeah. It’s like… original character with questionable styling… put into a non-book romance. Not loving the idea of that does not make me racist / against mixed ethnicity couples, or guilty of any of that criticism-deflecting rhetoric floating around. I’m a PoC in a mixed ethnicity couple myself, I LOVE mixed couples. Just… did you have to make it violate the whole “three unions of Eldar and Edain” thing? And again, all that being said, I still dislike this pairing far less than the all-white Hobbit love triangle, so race is not a factor here.

Just saying, in case I haven’t clarified that about ten times already. I’m not patently evil, Amazon.

Issue #3: the background

Again, I don’t know Arondir’s background, beyond this – he is a Silvan elf. A Silvan elf, same as most(?) of the Mirkwood elves we’ve seen. Not Legolas who is at least part-Sindarin although maybe his mother was Silvan. But in any case, we have seen the Mirkwood elves in The Hobbit, and none of them looked remotely like Arondir. I think Lothlorein had Silvan elves too (again, Galadriel is different, she descended from the Noldor… but let’s not get into that here).

The thing is, Professor Tolkien, in the Silmarillion, gives us a fabulous background of the various elven sub-cultures / sub-races, whatever you want to call them. And there are enough here, more than enough, to have a PoC ‘race’ of elves that looks – and dresses – very different to the ones we see in Peter Jackson’s orignal trilogy. You could even give them all shaved heads to reduce the wig budget.

The Avari are out because they never made it to Middle Earth (though if we’re tossing lore in the garbage, who knows? What’s more egregious, a fourth union of Eldar and Edain, or an Avari who – many decades or centuries later – somehow made it to Middle Earth?)

But aside from the Avari, Arondir could have been one of the mentioned yet thus far unseen subsets of the Teleri… like the Nandor, maybe? If memory serves me correct, we haven’t seen any of the Nandor yet, have we? If we’re making Arondir a Teleri, why not make him Nandor (yet unseen so could be anyone!) instead of Silvan (already seen, so we have preconceptions what they look like).

You could have a whole host of Nandor elves that are PoC, and have a different culture and way of dress to the elves we are used to seeing. It would make more geneological and narrative sense, I think, and appease nitpicky viewers.

Now I know the argument against this – “this is fantasy, if we are allowed to have dragons and balrogs, we are allowed to have genetics that make no sense”.

Yes, you are. BUT in a world as developed as Tolkien’s – which goes quite a bit into depth about geneology and who is related to whom and how – I just think it was a missed opportunity. Rather than forcing diversity into a culture of elves that has, by previous beloved adaptations, been established as looking a certain way… why not develop one of the mentioned but not yet seen elvish cultures? Then you have full creative freedom to make them look however you want them too, while maintaing a sense of logic within the universe.

House of the Dragon succeeded here, I think, in making all the Velaryons POC. Rather than having, say, Rhaenys Targaryen alone cast as a PoC. I know there was backlash against Velaryon casting as well, and that their appearances do differ from Fire and Blood. But despite having read Fire and Blood – and usually being a stickler for book-to-screen appearances matching – it didn’t bother me. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed the depiction of the Velaryons! Having the entire family (unseen up till now) look a certain way seemed more natural and acceptable as a viewer. And it allowed me to focus less on the dumb, nitpicky, logical stuff and more on the characters, and the actors’ fabulous performances. Plus, you could then give them all awesome wigs, which added both a sense of cohesiveness and great visuals. On an unrelated note I love Laena Velaryon and that scene with Vhagar was the most heart-wrenching but fabulous book-to-screen change, I sobbed.

Maybe I’m overthinking this (as I tend to overthink everything, in whatever I read and watch, but also in life, in general). I will say this: I much prefer well thought out diversity over diversity that sometimes feels shoehorned. And given the various sets of elves that Professor Tolkien himself penned, I think there was scope of giving Arondir a background that made more narrative sense.

Then again… this entire spiel was based on his labellling as “Silvan” on a couple websites. And maybe most viewers don’t care about the intricacies of elven geneology. Maybe I don’t even properly understand elven geneology. So.

Well, that ends my hodgepodge of thoughts about a show I haven’t even watched.

Up next is my rant on how making Galadriel a badass, husbandless, daughterless, warrior princess essentially does her character a disservice because you can have strong female characters who use other traits – such as knowledge, charisma, morality – to serve as empowered leaders, and taking away her husband+daughter and slapping her with some armor and a sword does not increase her agency and automatically make her more powerful, also, rather than empowering her based on modern standards, why not show how she was empowered within the constraints of her society, HotD does this really well with Rhaenyra, not to mention Tolkien tackles plenty of universal and timeless issues beautifully and subtly in his writing, issues based off of his lived experiences, the man fought in a war, so why do we have to give such a timeless and beloved classic such a modern and current spin, I mean I could go on about this for eternity…

Feanor, son of Finwe: master craftsman, linguist, and High King of insults

[minus all the wonderful elven diacritics because I cannot be bothered to format]

So, with all the Amazon Rings of Power stuff going on (which I will not discuss here because I am still getting over the fact that Finrod, my beautiful elf lord Finrod, is shockingly bereft of the silky, long, possibly braided tresses – okay, stop) I decided to re-read the Silmarillion.

And can I just say. Feanor. You amazing, vile, selfish wonder.

So, I named my dog after Feanor. And tried to teach him various commands in elvish, such as tolo for come, losto for lie down / sleep, mae govannen for well met which is when he places his paw on my hand. I mean, I mixed Sindarin and Quenya (don’t judge) because despite the professor’s extremely detailed dictionaries, there is a distinctive lack of dog commands there. I mean, how did they talk to best boy Huan, huh? Just kidding.

Anyways, moving on. I am a Feanor fangirl. I have been a Feanor fangirl since I was a naive teenager first reading the Silmarillion. Over a decade later, I question my choices. Because of all the various crushworthy elves… why did I pick him? I mean, Fingolfin, Finarfin, Fingon, Finrod, even Maedhros… so many better choices. Actually, I recall Fingolfin being a favorite. But my husband didn’t want to name our dog Fingolfin or Glorfindel, so we settled on Feanor. Fea for short, because it’s cute and sounds nicer in Japanese.

The point of this meandering, unrelated tidbit of information is to say that I am a Feanor fangirl. We’re all allowed to have that one guy elf, okay. That one elf who you really shouldn’t like, but you still do, even though he’s bad news, and pisses off the gods, slaughters innocent brethren, burns ships, and forces his sons to make a horrible, irrevocable oath – I mean, Maedhros and crew, get yourself a lawyer, because the loopholes are few in that one.

Feanor is that elf for me, and hence I named my dog after him. But as I read the Silmarillion again – now more mature with the years – it is becoming clear to me what once evaded my starstruck teenage mind.

Feanor is a bleeding asshole balrog. He is a nasty, nefarious nazgul. And amidst his artillery of various skills, lies perhaps his greatest craft of them all – the art of insult.

Seriously, I want to get into a fight with someone. Hey Amazon, how about you release a teaser of Glorfindel with a mohawk, that should do it.

No, but truly. I want to fight with someone, so I can refer to them as ‘thralls’ (Feanor just loved that one) or ‘brood of Morgoth’ or, the best of them all, ‘jail-crow of Mandos’. I mean, roast of Morgoth aside, that is a pretty fabulous insult on its own.

The next time my husband and I get into a fight, I am totally going to call him a jail-crow of Mandos.

And now whenever my puppy goes into one of his moods, where he starts barking inexplicably and angrily for a minute on end – I can just imagine the kind of flaming curses and oaths and whatnot he’s yapping about. Barking out a manner of edgy, fatalistic things, like ‘darkness doom us if our deed faileth’ and ‘woof unto world’s end!’

I meant woe.

What is even the point of this blog post anymore? I’m not sure, so I’ll be off then, fleeing like Melkor and Ungoliant from the wrath of the Valar – yeah, I don’t even have a good simile to end this, bye.

WoT: an example of source material diversion done right

I just saw Wheel of Time episode 4, and I’m going to say (type) the words I never thought I would: I’m glad they’re moving away from the books.

Now, this is coming from a person who moans and gripes about every little book-to-movie difference in all my favorite adaptations, at the frequency with which an angry Nynaeve tugs her braid. As you can imagine, certain scenes in popular media have inspired much ire and long-winded rants from me, including but not limited to: Dumbeldore said calmly; anything to do with Legolas’s crush on Tauriel, which rules the realm of all things Tolkien would not have enjoyed; Lyra and Pan’s lack of tearful hugging post the severing scene in His Dark Materials (why was she more concerned about Mrs. Coulter?!); the lack of Glorfindel because the world is a darker place without him; He Who Must Not Hug Unsuspecting Slytherin Boys; the absolutely unnecessary rape of Sansa Stark… the list goes on.

I also bitched a lot about Perrin’s dead-but-thankfully-not-Faile wife and unborn child (seriously WHERE did they come from, not to mention apparently The Brandon Sanderson was against this particular plot point). So I was worried when I realized they were changing quite a bit plot- and pacing-wise, though I did enjoy the introduction of Liandrin earlier on as she is a fascinating character (I hope they make her more hateful as the series progresses).

There are, of course, some adaptions with changes that I have accepted and loved overall, even seen the need for – such as nearly everything in the Lord of the Rings trilogy (even if they shafted my boy elf Glorfindel). I’m no expert, but it’s reasonable that book-to-film calls for some changes and cuts to be made, especially when there are 14 volumes in the series. But my cynical (and oft irrational) self was quite frankly dreading what would happen in Wheel of Time, and griping about the changes in the early episodes.

So I was shocked (and somewhat betrayed by my own book-purist prejudices) when I found that of all the WoT episodes… episode 4 was by far my favorite. I loved the scene where the Aes Sedai fought and gentled Logain (books sooner than they were supposed to), which was by far the most epic in the series so far. I loved the whole ‘hey, maybe raging, blazing Nynaeve is the dragon reborn’ red herring scene. I loved Nynaeve’s and Lan’s developing romance – which was my favorite romance in the books (waaay better than Rand’s foursome) but seems more natural and slow-burn in the series. And honestly, given the sheer length of Wheel of Time, I have realized I am totally okay with this extreme condensation approach (I mean they are pretty much ice beaming through the plot at this point) if it gives us cool moments between key characters, and stays true to the essence of the book. If anything, I feel like this freedom may give the series a chance to truly evolve into something spectacular, that remains an ode to Jordan-then-Sanderson’s masterpiece and adapts certain integral elements (e.g., identity of dragon reborn, saidin cleansing scene) while, perhaps, taking a slightly different path to the finish line, so to speak. Also, any series with Brandon Sanderson scriptwriting / advising / whatever is bound to be good.

So. Come at me, Wheel of Time. Change whatever you want. Shock me. Have Rand hook up with Lanfear. Make Siuan secretly Black Ajah. Let the Tuatha’an discover their song and hold some sort of a crazy music festival featuring Loial. Whatever. As long as you don’t kill my beautiful True Blade of the Malkier in Barristan Selmy fashion, I am happy. I think. And I can’t wait for episode 6, which according to Brandon Sanderson is The Episode To Watch Out For.

I just hope I can exercise this same level of open-mindedness and contentment when Amazon releases Lord of the Rings…

Now that that’s done, a few unstructured and non-chronological thoughts on the series so far:

  • Of all the changes I expected, seeing al’Lan Mandragoran – Lord of the Seven Towers, True Blade of Malkier, etc. etc. – ‘s bare behind was decidedly not one of them. Despite being a huge book-Lan fangirl, I could have lived without that particular scene (You know, keep some mystery there! Don’t reveal it all!)
  • Perrin with the dead wife trope… yeah… I agree that Master Luhhan may have been a better choice.
  • I am not feeling the Egwene-Rand relationship; preferred the whole angsty, longing, unresolved version of the book, although Egwene got a bit annoying later on. I am actually waiting for Elayne to come in and shake things up at this point. Or Aviendha. Or Min. Whatever.
  • Mat… is my favorite of the trio. Given he aggravated me greatly in the book (Pippin’s foolishness was cute and forgivable in LotR, but Mat’s was just… unbearable) this was about as unexpected as Lan’s naked ass. The actor is fantastic (pity they have to change him), and while they changed his backstory, it actually works really well. I am finding myself liking him far before his character development arcs will come to fruition. Of course, the damn dagger is going to ruin everything, but still…
  • Surprisingly, Rand (who was my favorite of the trio in the books at this point) is my least favorite at this point. The actor really suits him though and I’m sure he’ll grow on me.
  • The dreams and visions are way too creepy. I have to physically cover my eyes, and that bit with the bats… I couldn’t.
  • The Dark One terrifies me. I don’t remember being this terrified of a fantasy villain since the Black Riders. I’m glad he terrifies me, he should. This was so well done, with the flaming eyes and whatnot.
  • I know the wolves are supposed to add to the tension, but every time I see them, my mind goes HOPPEER ♡ and I feel warm and happy… and then I feel sad and want to cry. Like that scene where the wolf (presumably Hopper) licks Perrin’s leg just made me want to cry.
  • WEEP FOR MANETHEREN TT did not expect this to stay as usually the songs always get cut, but that was a nice one. Haunting and beautiful and so many feels.
  • Padan Fain looks so creepy, I love it. Great casting and the actor does a really good job.
  • I… actually felt really sad for Logain when he got gentled. The actor did a fantastic job there as well.
  • God, I hate Eamon in this (again, props to the actor). And that scene of him eating / drinking is giving me major Denethor versus Tomato flashbacks.
  • The locations are absolutely stunning, Two Rivers looks so perfect! I almost wish we had some more time to spend there before the Trollocs came and destroyed everything. At least they kind of gave us Bel Tine.
  • Myrddraal giving me major mouth of Sauron vibes.
  • Egwene being pushed into the river was… confusing to me.
  • I knew it was going to happen but Mat picking up that knife really pissed me off. Them walking around Shadar Logoth really pissed me off in general (even in the book), because I always hate plots where unsupervised characters roam off and do stupid things (if I were there I would be so terrified for my life, I would stick to Lan who is arguably the most powerful person in the room). Like, just. Quarantine yourselve in that one room, damn it. Don’t freaking leave. It’s not that hard!
  • Rand and Tam fighting the Trollocs in their cottage was exactly how I pictured it in the books!
  • The Aes Sedai look a lot older than expected, not that I am averse to this change. I expected Liandrin to be some sort of a snobby blonde brat (I think the book describes her as having a doll-face, which always made me think of her as cute and young-looking) but I feel this actress really captures the essence of a more mature Liandrin and has successfully overwritten my book-image. Again, not a sentence I thought I’d ever type, but there you go!
  • On that note, I… unexpectedly really like Liandrin. Her line to Logain about how nature did not mean for him to have the power was intense, in a good way. And her and Moiraine working together is just so great. I almost hope they develop a friendship here that entirely breaks down later on.

Dedicating my heart…

…to Hajime Isayama-sensei. お疲れ様です and thank you for all these cruel, beautiful years.

As I listen to “Shinzou wo Sasageyou” on repeat, tears streaming down my face, heart crushed by the rumbling of a million Colossal Titans, I want to make just a few comments on chapter 138-139. I won’t go into a full-blown review / analysis here because there is just too much to dissect and I’m still not quite over the series ending. Overall, I was satisfied by it, and I respect Isayama-sensei’s vision as a creator.

I want to address the one topic I particularly liked, and the one that seems to be the most polarizing online.

On Eren and Mikasa

I am a sucker for tragic endings. The whole “actually he loved her secretly but had to hide it” trope. So I loved this. That kiss was unexpected, macabre and totally reciprocated because 1) people can move facial muscles in the moment before/right after their death and 2) contrast to his open-eyed, open-mouthed expression when Gabi blew his head off.

But what I liked more was the 138 dream sequence where, from my understanding, Eren and Mikasa got their whole “happily ever after for four years” just before he died. Given the sequencing, that was Eren’s last experience before his death. Finally escaping the horror to live four years with the love of his life. I think that’s sweet, and Mikasa got to experience it too, so their relationship did have a semblance of resolution and closure.

The part about Eren’s character choices being motivated by her confession (or lack thereof) is where it gets a bit iffy for me. I would have preferred him having stronger motivations. But let’s cut him some slack. Remember, he’s a 19-year-old boy who’s led a traumatizing life. He just wants an escape. And if some divine being offered you the following routes to live the remainder of your limited life A) run away and live peacefully with your crush in the mountains or B) alienate all your friends and kill 80% of the world’s population… which would you choose? (By you I mean all you judgemental fools who assassinate Eren’s character for being, basically, well, human. Because I will say it now, I would pick A. I would not have the mental or emotional fortitude to go with B. Hell, if I were Eren, I would have tried confessing to Mikasa myself, seen if I could make her go with A)

To those complaining about the lack of buildup and say Eren’s confession is too sudden… there were plenty of subtle hints throughout that showed Eren cared very deeply for Mikasa. I feel people simply chose to disregard them, because they wanted something more in-your-face. But this is, first and foremost, a Japanese manga. Japanese culture is not like American or European culture, so it’s unfair to judge a Japanese romance by the same standards you would judge an American one. People don’t say “I love you” outright very often, even to their parents or kids. People aren’t always that open with physical affection either. It’s a more reserved society, and romance can be a bit more reserved too. It’s all about subtlety and small actions, and yes, a lot of times people don’t confront their feelings, they don’t communicate in a straightforward manner due to the high-context culture. If they did, 99% of shoujo manga series would be resolved within 3 chapters.

So I think Eren and Mikasa’s relationship – where so much is at stake for them due to the closeness of their bond – will naturally tend to hover on the side of ‘let’s pretend to be platonic’ rather than ‘let’s confront this and go romantic’… especially given all the other titan-sized bullshit they have to deal with in the background. Hell, it’s not just Eren. Even Jean went years without confessing to Mikasa. Armin (go Armin!) was the only one of the main cast who had the guts to say anything direct to his crush. Love and relationships simply aren’t at the forefront of any of these characters’ minds. Except Franz and Hannah apparently, and look what happened to them. Oh, and Nicolo-Sasha. But some wounds are too recent to reopen.

I also think that Eren probably genuinely did not believe Mikasa could love him back romantically. We see when he’s younger he gets mad that Mikasa treats him like a ‘son’ or ‘younger brother’. After the near-kiss in chapter 50, he changes, but you still see a sense of self-loathing remaining. So when Mikasa called him family in chapter 122, it probably reiterated his own beliefs and insecurities, that someone like her could never see someone like him as a man.

And you know what? I think that’s fine for his character. At the heart of it, Eren is an over-emotional crybaby prone to insecurity, self-hate and angry outbursts. Cool, stoic, hands-on-the-table Eren with his man-bun was all bluster, all a facade, to do what he had to do. I actually appreciate that Eren is such a flawed and weak character. It makes him human. And the people who deny this and hate on him for it lack empathy, in my opinion.

I also do not think Eren is a ‘simp’ or any of those other derogatory terms being thrown around, with relation to his breakdown in front of Armin. I feel people miss the fact that 1) chronologically that conversation with Armin happened before his dream-life with Mikasa, in which he categorically goes against his selfish wishes and tells her to forget him 2) Armin is his best friend, the one person in the world he can be honest to, and 3) Armin totally egged him on to get a rise, and Eren – who was going through absurd amounts of stress at the time – gave in and had one moment of weakness, where he spilled his guts to his best friend. That’s what best friends are for.

That’s fine. Eren, you’re allowed to be weak and throw a tantrum and cry. Armin forgives you for it, and Mikasa would forgive you for it. And it is a perfectly reasonable, human response to not want your future wife (if the world went as Eren would have liked it to) to immediately move onto another horse man. It’s okay to feel a jealous and possessive, the important thing is that to Mikasa, Eren did tell her to move on. Despite his personal desires, he prioritized her happiness.

On the note of my beloved stallion, may I also make five points.

1) That scene with Connie. I had to take a break and bawl my eyes out for ten minutes. I was 90% convinced at the time he would revert back (my coping mechanism), but it was still heart-stopping to see that happen. Thank god (or rather, Eren) you’re back, Jean.

2) He got even hotter after the second time-skip, how is this possible, you go Jean, rocking that Willy Tybur hairstye!

3) I kind of liked him with Pieck but clearly he still has a thing for Mikasa given he’s obsessing over his hair on the way to visit her

4) It is now my personal headcanon that Eren knew Mikasa might end up with Jean eventually, and so – in a moment of childish jealousy – he told Mikasa to cut her hair. Because you know, if it was getting in the way of her 3DMG, a more practical suggestion would be to have her tie it up like Sasha or Historia.

5) He deserves all the happiness in the world. I hope his daydream comes true and Mikasa eventually gets over Eren and accepts his love. I think the manga was left deliberately open-ended but kind of pointed towards the possibility of this happening.

ANYWAYS. Coming back to Eren and Mikasa. Their relationship started and ended with violence and love, with beauty and cruelty. Those paradoxical themes have defined it throughout.

I also think the Eren-bird reincarnation was also a beautiful scene. I have seen way too many memes about this which I think are hilarious (e.g. bird!Eren shitting on Jean’s much-labored hairstyle the moment he meets Mikasa) but I personally believe that deceased souls can take on the form of small birds / animals / insects to visit and bless us during our lives. And that’s precisely what I think Eren did. I do not think he’s going to be flapping around, pecking out the guys of every guy who talks to Mikasa. But I think he visited her in this moment, to wrap the scarf around her one last time, as promised. And he’s going to show up again at Mikasa and Jean’s wedding day

Other random thoughts

  • Ymir Fritz loved the King? I understand the theories around Stockholm’s Syndrome, but that type of abusive relationship is not love, nor can it be equated to what Eren and Mikasa had. How I analyze this is that Ymir only knew that type of twisted, one-sided, conditional love… but Mikasa showed her a purer, selfless, unconditional love, and it inspired her to break free of her own shackles, teaching her that her own self-perceived ‘love’ was actually very unhealthy and wrong.
  • Reiner will just never die, lol. At least he seems happy in life now.
  • Sashaaaaaa!!! Erwin!!!! Hange!!!!! Petra!!!!!!
  • Okthnxbye Hallucigenia-chan you were kind of creepily cute I guess?
  • Armin looking goooood rocking that Levi haircut.
  • I kind of wished Levi had died to join all his friends and loved ones. But maybe he just opened a tea shop somewhere, and bros out with Mikasa occasionally
  • I am actually happy for Historia. She seems to have gotten over her own toxic parental relationships and is enjoying family life, being a good mother to an adorable baby girl. I want to reiterate here that it is NOT a waste for a character to get pregnant and give birth a child. I believe that giving birth is an amazing and transformative experience, and being a mother is one of the noblest professions. Historia is a mother, and also an actual queen. You go Historia! I (like many) want to believe her baby is named Ymir, and is a reincarnation of Ymir Fritz.
  • I don’t like the idea of Eren (even mistakenly) having led Dina to Carla. I prefer to think (as was implied in earlier chapters) that the inkling of humanity left in Dina is what directed her to Grisha’s house (“I will always find you”)
  • At first I didn’t like the idea of Eren being eulogized by all his friends. Despite everything, he did wipe out 80% of humanity and that’s an unforgivable crime to say the least. But then I thought about it some more, and realized I can perhaps understand their reactions. It’s a hard and dark topic to think about, but: if in a group of 100 people, and you could kill the 80 strangers to save your 20 loved ones OR watch your 20 loved ones get murdered by the 80 strangers… which would you do? (Honestly, the Armin-Naruto option of ‘let’s sit down and talk guys’, i.e., open dialogue, is obviously the best choice by far, but assuming this is a binary choice). SO coming back to the main point, I am okay with certain characters having positive reactions towards Eren. However, I wished they were a bit more nuanced and less “Eren you are an amazing loyal hero”
  • …I think I’ve actually overcome my initial abhorrence towards Gabi’s character? Like I am actually a bit happy to see her living a content, peaceful life with Falco? Hey, there’s some personal development for me (and an ode to Isayama-sensei that he could transform my perceptions, because I really, truly detested Gabi to a deep degree)
  • I am relieved the whole “Eren woke up and it was all a dream because he wanted to escape his monotonous high school life” did not end up being the actual plot. There were some theorists out there who had me convinced for a split second it would be. That would have been… interesting, to say the least. And a true betrayal to us readers. But I’m glad it didn’t come to fruition. I can only hope that boring!Eren and goth!Mikasa are dating happily in their alternate universe.

That’s all I have for now! I may come back and edit this later.

To conclude, I am beyond grateful to Isayama-sensei for giving us this masterpiece, and super gutted that it’s over. Guess I’ll wait for season 4 part 2 of the anime, and the inevitable opening of his onsen!

Shingeki no Kyojin 132 – Unstructured Thoughts on Latest Chapter

Literally, what the title says.

Firstly, did Isayama just confirm this Armin x Annie ship? I mean, yay, I guess? He always confirms these couples at the worst timing, like when one of them has intense death flags, or you know, once one of them is dead (*cries in potatoes* *and letters containing marriage proposals*)

Mikasa and Annie’s girl talk was hilarious though. Mikasa’s absolute shock at realizing that Annie and Armin are an item was priceless. Relief that Annie doesn’t actually like Eren (proving her own suspicions wrong) not withstanding, I can’t see Mikasa as being especially supportive of this relationship. She might develop a sort of grudging acceptance, mixed with a bit of “bitch you hurt him and we finish that fight from when we were cadets and I end you”. And I guess with time, they would eventually become gal pals. If they even live long enough for any of that to come in fruition.

God, I really want the Shingeki Chuugakkou anime to have another season where they explore all these new couples. Sasha/Nicolo, Armin/Annie, heck even Gabi/Falco. And Eren and Mikasa too, right, because given the last few chapters I think it’s safe to assume that her love isn’t so much unrequited as it is unrealizable (is that even a word?) given Eren’s current mental state and destiny and whatnot.

Still, nice to see some implied independence without that scarf. How I really want their interaction to end is this – Mikasa beats the shit out of Eren and is forced to kill him, but confesses while he lies dying in her arms, giving them this infinitesimal moment of happiness. OR Mikasa just never confesses and we learn from Eren’s POV that he actually did love her and was waiting for a confession (in chapter 116 was it?) that never came, hence he gave up all hope of fighting his destiny. Imagine that. The world’s destruction would have been saved by one freaking “suki da yo”. But yeah I am looking for some sort of tragic angsty resolution of their relationship.

Also Jean. What about Jean? Why isn’t my beautiful stallion confessing? Isayama has alluded to him still liking Mikasa in multiple chapters, so I can’t imagine he will just leave loose threads hanging? I really want Jean of all characters to get a happy ending. I don’t want him sacrificing himself for Mikasa or something even though that would be tragic and beautiful in some ways.

I am also more than okay with Mikasa giving up on Eren and just moving on. Honestly, Jean is being robbed. He deserves a girlfriend. And he deserves that darn commander title. Because he is best boy. And I kind of want best boy to land up with best girl.

Literally all the main Shingeki girls have had some sort of resolution / reciprocation from their love interests at this point. It’s kind of Mikasa’s fault for chickening out on a clear invitation to confess but in her defense, Eren kind of sprung it on her out of nowhere. On an unrelated note, I do love these slow burn romances. I just want the flame to either reach a raging inferno or fizzle out entirely at some point, preferably the former. I need closure, damn it!

Moving on. Hange / Hanji. Dear Hanji. She went out with a bang just like she wanted. Fighting the Titans and upholding her one-sided love. Such an eccentric and amazing character. I’d attempt something more eulogistic but I don’t think I can do her justice, so will just stop at that.

Personally, I loved the scene with Erwin and Co. that followed. I know some people are bitching about how it takes away from the horror, finality of death, and macabre feeling that we associate with Shingeki… but for me, it’s this ray of hope and happiness that makes it so beautiful. The paradox of cruel and beautiful. The idea that no matter how f***** up the world is, if you do the right thing, you’ll have a wonderful afterlife waiting for you. And that all your beloved comrades and family will be there, cheering you on and saying ‘well done, you did your best’. It’s the kind of thing that was explored often in Naruto and it’s so beautiful and touching, and to me in no way diminishes the sense of loss and sacrifice, because these people are still dying terrifyingly traumatizing deaths.

And it also makes me feel better that the poor Titanized souls will have something better to return to as well. Cutting their necks seems to be more of a mercy than cruel, in that case.

And I know that some people argue that it was just a fever dream, not real, but I believe in heaven and I like to think that was real. So Hanji’s up there with Erwin and Mike and Moblit and Petra and Sasha… and Levi may just join them all soon too.

So many death flags for darling Heichou. I don’t know if I can deal with it. He was my favorite character for the longest time, till he was unseated by Jean the Golden Maned, Lord of the Horses. Seeing him try to use 3DMG with two fingers was just heart-rending.

The thing is, he’s Levi. He doesn’t stop fighting. So he’s going to fight, and he’s going to die. And then he’s going to join Isabel and Farlan and Petra and Erwin and Hanji and live happily ever after. I mean, all his friends are in heaven so I suppose it’s only a matter of when he gets to leave this hellish existence and join them. Given what Eren’s set loose, I guess dying is a far better alternative.

Reiner definitely seems to think that. Poor Reiner. I think Isayama is making this a running gag, on how many times Reiner tries and fails to die.

Other thoughts – hm, I wonder what is going to happen to Falco, Gabi and Annie. We have two shifters there, but against an army of Colossals, what can they even do? Also I am a bit bummed that Annie won’t be in the final battle versus Eren, but I guess it fits her character, she always has been inherently selfish. Although you’d think she’d accompany her new crush? Love interest? Potential boyfriend? Or maybe Armin will die and Annie will find out through paths and go ballistic on Eren. Yikes.

Floch. Yeah, I never understood the furor surrounding him. Neither the hype, nor the hatred. He’s dead. Okay. He was well-written and his character development and stance on things was interesting. He offered a new perspective, perhaps a realistic one, because you do have brainwashed extremists / zealots who genuinely believe that their murderous schemes are for the best. But despite his admittedly good writing, for me he was always meh. Score to Mikasa though. Nice seeing her badassery in action again.

At this point, I am most hyped for Mikasa/Armin interactions with Eren. Especially Mikasa. And I also want Jean to have more action in a way that doesn’t end up with him dead. I also really want this Jean/Mikasa/Eren love triangle to resolve itself in some sort of climactic way. I’m not asking for happy endings and sparkles and bubbles, it can be angsty. It just needs to be addressed.

OH, and the Levi/Mikasa family thing, what’s the deal with that? Is he her cousin? Her uncle? Do they even care? Would be great if we can see that addressed at some point, even if it ends up in, I don’t know, him passing on the Ackerman mantle, although I would be heartbroken if this happened. I do have a feeling that Levi will not live long. But I also have a feeling that Isayama will subvert our expectations and make him survive… which would be really sad for him, given I expect his death wish is only second to Reiner’s right now.

Ok that’s all I have on this chapter. Time to speculate and suffer for a month, till 133 releases.

#shinzouwosasegeyou

Anime Crush List II

A companion piece to the male version here except this time it’s all about girl power! My strong, beautiful queens. Really I meant it to be all anime but then I had to add in the last two non-anime ones, so the numbering is no longer accurate 7 onward.

I also kept the rule of restricting myself to only one female character per anime, which is why some of my favorite heroines didn’t place.

Anyways. Enough blathering. Without further ado I present to you my list of perfection:

  1. Mikasa Ackerman (Shingeki no Kyojin)

Um. Goddess. With. Abs. 

Her abs are legitimately my motivation to work out.

And she is. So. Beautiful. I could make one of those Mikasa appreciation posts here but I don’t have time to crawl through the internet / binge the anime for screenshots. 

Mikasa is perfect and deserves to be happy. And some people LIKE subtle character development, okay? Subtle and slow. Not to mention she kicks ass. Every panel of her swirling around like a mini-Levi. I live for it.

I’m extremely worried about how this manga is going to end for her because I just want her to be happy okay Mikasa just ditch Eren and go for Jean he is hotter and has one consistent personality and set of memories and clearly dreams about starting a family with you

Favorite moment: ‘Fall, Annie’

Honorable mentions: Sasha my potato goddess *sobs* and Petra my tree goddess *sobs more*

2. Kushina Uzumaki (Naruto)

She is female Naruto with better hair.

We don’t get much of her but every scene with her in it is gold. She’s a fantastic kunoichi, wife and mother.

And she’s nicknamed after a hot pepper,and I have an ongoing (somewhat masochistic) love affair with hot peppers and spicy food in general. I put chillies in everything. Douse it all in Cayenne Pepper powder. Bathe it in Garam Masala. My poor husband has spent hours in the toilet, suffering the aftereffects of my flaming hot cooking.

So basically, Kushina is my spirit vegetable. You know?

And her and Minato are couple goals.

Favorite moment: the speech to Naruto when the Kyuubi pierces her, I’ve memorized the Japanese version

Honorable mentions: Tenten my badass underrated weapon master, and Sarada by virtue of being the lovechild of one of my favorite Naruto couples ever 

3. Misty (Pokémon)

A childhood sweetheart, this one. I cried (more than Ash cried) when she left, and basically gave up on the anime at that point. After that, I only ever watched the episodes where she made a comeback.

Misty is my sassy Pokéqueen. I used to get so excited whenever it was time to challenge Cerulean Gym in the games, just to see her sprite. Sometimes I’d lose on purpose so I could keep challenging her. And do you realize how hard it is to lose on purpose to Misty when you have a freaking Pikachu, which unlike Ash’s Pikachu has no compunctions around thunderbolting her entire team to a crisp?

I do think the anime did her dirty. I mean, she wants to become a water Pokémon master which is such a great dream, but then she barely catches anything, I mean there are so many water Pokémon but the only really good ones on her team are Gyarados and Starmie – okay, end rant.

Favorite moment: Misty Mermaid (I am pretty sure every prepubescent kid had their first crush during this episode) and the scene where she swims out to save Ash in Pokémon 2000, that was so touching

Honorable mentions: Leaf from the manga, and also that girl Melody from Pokemon 2000 because she was sassier than Misty and awesome at playing that shell/flute thing. Also really like Whitney, Jasmine and Erika in the games. 

4. Umi Sonoda (Love Live!)

Love arrow shoot! For one thing, Umi-chan is the Love Live! version of Legolas. Archery skills equals 10++++ points regardless of fandom.

I also adore her VA / seiyuu Mimorin, who is adorable and wonderful so that’s a perk. And I love her voice. It is a fresh of breath air amongst some of the nasally squawking they have some of the Love Live! girls do, despite the seiyuu (voice actors) being absurdly talented and capable of so much better. Like Hanayo. Her seiyuu has such a beautiful voice and they ruin it and make it sound like she swallowed a potato and it’s stuck in her throat and I know some people find that weirdly cute but why has Kubo Yurika-san’s melodious voice been reduced to this travesty I mean her anime voice makes me want to punch someone like no Hanayo I will not tasukeru you just go away and eat a bowl of rice somewhere

When I played the Love Live! mobile game I legimately spent a good portion of my bonus just on love gems to get her URs. Yes, I know. Not my proudest purchase but I got the Yukata!Umi and the Sailor!Umi and all these other wonderful, beautiful Umi so it was worth it.

I also love how organized and responsible she is. I don’t know how she puts up with Kotori and Honoka’s general flakiness and bullshit but somehow she does, because Umi is a perfect angelic saint and I want a friend who is exactly like her.

Favorite scene: Akiramecha dame na-nda~ (Start Dash)

Honorable mention: Kashikoi Kawaii Elichika~. Also tsundere Maki-chan. You can probably see a pattern here. Soldier Game trio is best trio. I also like (admittedly to a lesser extent) Kanan from Sunshine basically for being Umi 2.0

5. Kallen Kozuki (Code Geass)

After Mikasa, she is probably wins this list in terms of pure badassery.

Note that the anime I watched prior to Code Geass was Death Note, which made Kallen seem just 1000000x cooler in comparison to that wretch Misa Amane. She definitely cleansed that pungent taste Misa Amane left in my mouth as the worst female character to basically exist in any anime, I hate Misa soooo much but okay let’s be positive [edit: after rewatching Death Note and better understanding the nuances of Misa, I want to say that she’s not as bad as I pegged her out to be. Still bad, in my personal opinion. But an interesting character, I guess, and she kind of grew on me in a you-suck-and-you-are-annoying-but-I-still-kind-of-find-you-amusing-so-I-guess-I-don’t-hate-you way].

But Kallen. Let’s talk about Kallen.

I like Kallen so much that the first car I buy – if I end up learning to drive, I’m 28 and I have a license, but roads scare me – will be maroon, and christened Guren.

Kallen is basically what Sakura Haruno should have been, I mean she even has the same hairstyle, albeit a smaller forehead (gomen ne Sakura-chan)

All her fight scenes – with Suzaku, with that other hot Knight of Seven guy – had me gripping my seat. Hands down one of my favorite female fighters in anime.

Favorite scene: all the fights against Suzaku, my two faves facing off

Honorable mentions: Shirley – I don’t know what it is I like about her because she is so clingy, and she kind of guilts Lelouch into kissing her… I guess it’s just her design, I like orange-haired heroines. Euphie is fabulous and her death scene was so well executed. Milly somehow I like despite her starting off as super fluffy and inconsequential.

6. Mio Akiyama (K-On!!)

I mean, who else would it be.

Yoko Hikasa is also Mikasa (hey that rhymed!) to me since she sang Utsukushiki Zankoku na Sekai (which is basically Mikasa’s character song). So I have this headcanon of a kawaii Miokasa. 

But anyways, Mio-chan is the cutest and she also has the best voice in my opinion. Her rendition of Fuwa Fuwa Time is infinitely superior to Yui’s weird gulpy nasally voice. Yui’s is like a terrifying Hanayo / Kotori hybrid of gulping and nasality. Why is this considered cute again? And again, the voice actress is infinitely talented, so of all the voices they could have made her do… why that one?! Sorry I keep coming back to this rant but let’s get back to Mio-chan.

Favorite moment: the neko mimi!!! Also love her friendship and all her scenes with Ritsu.

7. Erina Nakiri (Shokugeki no Souma)

Another goddess. Just step on me, Erina-sama.

I also happen to love eggs benedict. And her prim / proper / snobbish way of speaking Japanese, you know with kashira and all that.

Did not really dig her post-timeskip haircut (I always rant when characters cut their hair) but she has one of the my favorite anime hairstyles otherwise.

Honorable mentions: Hisako, she reminds me of Sakura Haruno. Which is not a bad thing because as much as pre-Shippuuden Sakura annoyed me and post-Shippudden Sakura wasted her potential (like did you forget about the Sasori fight?!) I actually really do like her as a character. Oops, there we are talking about a Naruto character again. Now you see why I needed the 1-character-per-anime rule?

8. Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)

Not anime, but still on my anime list, which is why she has an unreasonably low ranking. Literally one of my favorite female characters in literature / on screen ever and Cursed Child does not count, I really disagree what they did with the plot overall, as well as her character arc. There’s just too much to say here and given it’s an anime blog I won’t ramble on too much.

9. Arwen Undómiel Evenstar

Well, there’s my answer to the eternal Arwen versus Eowyn debate, though I very much love and admire the shieldmaiden of Rohan.

It’s just. Arwen is an elf. I am an elf. I have to be loyal to my people.

Again, too much to say about my ethereal Elven princess. I pretty much loved every scene she was in movie and book. Okay, mostly movie, I admit. If it were just book, Eowyn would probably win. But Liv Tyler was just way too breathtaking and I know she stole my favorite elf lord Glorfindel’s scene but scene where she rides away from the ringwraithes? “If you want him, come and claim him!” Beautiful elven murmurings that release the river? Yeah, sorry Glorfindel, mellon nim. I love you deeply, but I’m on Team Arwen for this one. I am not a movie-only I promise I have read each of the books countless times including the Silmarillion but Liv Tyler is just divine it’s like she actually carries the blood of Luthien or something, oh wait –

I am also missing all the accented letters in this section but I can’t be bothered. Elven typography is a pain.

Top 50 Pokémon from my competitive team

When I say competitive, I mean this:

  1. I spent <5 minutes for each Pokémon on Smogon reading up their entries to figure out their skillsets
  2. I actually trained their EVs
  3. I paid attention to their natures
  4. In rare cases (maybe 2-3 Pokémon totally), I bred for a hidden ability
  5. I never bothered with IVs
  6. I never used legendaries or semi-legendaries (my husband and I made those rules – that’s why you don’t see Lugia, who is my second favorite Pokémon ever after Umbreon, on this list)

I am not actually much of a competitive battler. For me, my Pokémon are my friends – our training is organic and natural, not calculated or dependent on mass annihilating hordes of Whismur for five hours straight.

I mean, I had to do that eventually once my then-boyfriend-now-husband decimated me in a Pokémon battle (I have pride, okay – and I was also using a Gyarados with a purely special attack moveset, which in hindsight I realize is an entirely cretinous thing to do).

But if I had it my way, I would still be recreating the teams I had when I was a naive five-year-old mucking around in Mt. Moon for a week, unable to find the Mew-damned exit.

Pokémon is supposed to be about nostalgia, and friendship, and bonds, right?

Well, not if your better half is a competitive, maniacal twit.

SO for the sake and longevity of our relationship, I put in some effort. I mostly chose Pokémon I liked – because of nostalgia, history, design, any other reason – but I did train a couple with the single-minded purpose of obliterating my husband.

We’re now at a point where we’re pretty evenly matched. The last time we battled, I won, which means that I currently hold the Champion title in our two-person league.

So, I present to you my competitive team! It sucks that they did away with mega evolutions and then we had the whole Dexit fiasco, because my dream team has been split apart indefinitely. I haven’t actually bothered much with Shield beyond a point, so most of my team peaked around Alpha Sapphire and Sun.

But here they are, ranked in order of how much I love / use them.

Umbreon (named Itachi)

My only shiny! I never shiny hunted but my husband gifted my a shiny Eevee that had the appropriate nature for an Umbreon. Such a beautiful shiny too!

He’s a great staller, and I love him for Taunt, since my husband tends to favor infuriating staller strategies in battle. Personally, I hate stalling – outright attacking is my thing. But hey, you gotta treat likes with likes, and Itachi can be downright annoying with Taunt / Toxic / Moonlight in his moveset.

Garchomp (named Isildur)

When I was just cruising through the games, my team names made sense. I had the Lord of the Rings team, the Silmarillion team, the Naruto team, etc. But now it’s just a weird mashup of all my favorite fandoms.

So Garchomp is my main attacker. My favorite boy. He almost always holds a Focus Sash, and Earthquake / Poison Jab deal with most threats. I’m still fuming about Dexit. Allow my boy Garchomp into Galar damnit!

Mega Alakazam (named Mithrandir)

*sobs*

In his peak – his glory days of mega evolution – this boy was unbeatable. He’d sweep through so many opponents with his speed. I just loved that certainty of knowing that whoever he was up against, he’d go first. Unless it was a priority move, but most of those were fine – except shadow sneak. Shadow sneak was the bane of Mithrandir’s existence.

I am also a huge fan of the psychic type in general. If you asked me to name my top Pokémon types, I’d say fairy-fire-dragon-psychic-water in that order (bug, poison and rock are probably my least favorites).

Clefable (named Tinuviel)

A, Luthien Tinuviel, my chubby pink goddess. My husband despises her so much, which makes me love her even more. She just doesn’t die. Ever.

I think I owe a majority of my victories against my husband to her – she was always on the winning team. So much sulking on account of her refusal to give up, that mean Calm Mind / Moonblast / Moonlight / Leftovers combination.

Even if she wasn’t actually on my team, the very idea and possibility of her being there would piss him off and psyche him out. She’s a superstar.

Her pre-evo is also adorable and has been one of my favorites ever since I was a kid.

Empoleon (named… this is embarrassing, I can’t actually recall)

I mean, who doesn’t like a penguin in a tux? This boy is sharp. His steel typing is also super useful given my husband, for some depraved reason, adores poison types.

Cinccino (no nickname because of those darned trading rules)

This adorable little bugger is my hidden weapon. Skill Link + Tail’s Slap / Bullet Seed / Rock Blast + King’s Rock. Hell yes. Watch this tiny ball of fluff bring down gigantic, powerful wall-breakers. And the flinching. So much flinching. I love it. Whoever came up with this little guy in Nintendo was an evil genius. He’s literally invincible.

Except against Mudsdale. 5x defense power-up against an attacker? No thank you, switch out.

Charizard X (named Feanor)

Because I am a nostalgia freak, I love dragons (a well-deserved typing at last!), and I love his design.

Also my Kanto starter trio were named Feanor, Fingolfin, Finarfin respectively. Because I am just that cool.

Gardevoir (named Nozomi)

So in ORAS I first made a team of females, based entirely on Love Live! so I could, you know, annihilate my husband with girl power and music. So you’ll see a Honoka, and an Eli, and an Umi here too somewhere.

She is just so beautiful and so versatile with her moveset. I love Gallade too but my husband uses him, and we try not to overlap so…

Mega Kangashkan (named Finduilas)

I love the whole mother-baby thing and her kid is adorable. Also my husband had this annoyingly overpowered multi-scale Dragonite so the double hits came in handy for that. He claimed I was ‘cheating’ using her. Hah. Says the multi-scale Dragonite user.

Frosslass (named Celebrien, I think… there were so many Elven names, I kind of lost track)

I first want to say that her cry, when she comes out, is the most haunting and beautiful sound you will ever hear from a Pokémon’s mouth.

Second, she is fast and knows Destiny Bond. My poor, self-sacrificing Frossless. Another elegant, beautiful design.

Galarian Rapidash (named Glorfindel)

The moment I saw that Galarian Ponyta in the livestream, I knew I had to have him, and that his evolution would be absolutely magnificent. A candyfloss unicorn. Is there anything more perfect? And fairy-psychic, a combination of two of my favorite types!

I debated on naming him Eomer, but he’s clearly an elf, you know?

Aegislash (named Anduril)

What else are you going to name a sword? I also love swords in general, so I knew I needed this Pokémon. Not my usual typing preference but has significantly tormented my husband.

Mega Altaria (named Eli)

I mean, if Eli Ayase from Love Live! had a Pokémon, it would clearly be this queen. Plus I spam Draco Meteor way more than I should.

Mega Blastoise (named Fingolfin)

So if you ask me my favorite Kanto starter, I would give you this long, circumlocutory response. By starter design – Squirtle. By typing and final evolution – Charizard, so Charmander. By anime personality – Bulbasaur, my tsundere boss, although his bestie Squirtle was close behind. I mean Bulbasaur and Squirtle were like the Joey and Chandler of Pokémon. The best duo, hands down.

Naturally, I needed the mega (plus Blue uses him!) and three canons are better than two. Also, for some reason Hydro Pump was always my favorite move as a kid. I don’t know why. Whenever I played with my Pokémon figurines (incidentally, Blastoise being one of the first I ever owned) it was always my go-to water move. I now realize that Surf is more reliable, though for Mega Blastoise it’s obviously Water Pulse.

Togekiss (named Gwaihir)

The eagles are coming!

Okay, but I love this one because Roost / Dazzling Beam / Yawn is such a versatile, powerful and yet incredibly annoying combination. I also adored Togepi in the anime (Misty was my best girl, so) and cried when Togetic… you know… *sniffs*

Skarmory (named Eowyn)

I don’t know why but something about her reminds me of Eowyn with the armor. She’s another great staller and the bane of my poison-loving husband’s career as a Pokémon trainer. She is no man.

Arcanine (named… I am blanking out…)

Always loved the design, ever since I saw the first anime opening. And Extremespeed. That’s guaranteed first hit, +5 priority! Quick Attack what?

Azumarill (named… forget it…)

Again, because I love Misty. And I love her typing. And this is such a cute design! And Huge Power makes her such a wall-breaker.

Espeon (named Eldarion)

One of my few Pokémon with a hidden ability. I just love how frazzled opponents get when you Magic Bounce all their stupid status moves right back at them. I’ve said it before, but I really prefer outright battling without relying on all these shady tricks. And if you still insist on shady tricks, then, well. You can just Magic Bounce off.

Blaziken (named Honoka)

Another one of my Love Live! squad. I started ORAS with her, and so I kept her on my team, even though breeding for her hidden ability would have been exponentially better. See, husband, I actually care about my Pokémon and the bonds I form with them, unlike you – you cold, cruel, callous man.

She held a life orb, and she’d always push herself a little too hard, and use moves like Flare Blitz in spite of the danger it posed to her own body, and – and – oh, Honoka-chan. I am sorry.

Alolan Ninetales (named Yuri!!!)

I had a second Alolan Ninetales named Victor. Obviously.

So I knew I needed Alolan Vulpix. Vulpix has always been one of my favorite Pokémon and it’s so cute and cuddly and – gah.

For this Pokémon, I did the one most heartless thing I have ever done in my gaming career. I basically… well, you see, I loved this little Pokémon so much that I wanted him as a starter. So I had my husband start playing Moon a couple weeks before I began Sun. And so, a few minutes into the game… I traded away my Alolan started for an Alolan Vulpix… yeah.

Sorry Rowlet. But you’re only cute and round till you evolve, and Decidueye cannot compare to the elegant majesty of Alolan Ninetales, my Kyuubi!!! on Ice.

Milotic (named Legolas)

Such a beautiful, sinuous Pokémon. And like Frosslass, has a really lovely, haunting cry. I wanted a Serperior too (ideally this would be the Legolas, since you know, Greenleaf), I think they’d make such a nice set. But then my husband had to go and have one so…

Ampharos (named Minato)

Because you know, Yellow Flash. Though this Pokémon is incredibly slow, which I realized a bit too late, once I was already attached to the nickname.

But Ampharos and his pre-evos were some of my favorite Johto designs ever. I remember seeing the Johto brochures or books or posters or whatever when I was a kid, before the game came out. And I fell in love with Mareep’s design, so even now, when I see Mareep, it makes me feel all warm and fluffy, like I’m a kid again.

And that’s why I insist on keeping a fully EV-d up Ampharos on my team, despite my utter inability to leverage him properly during a match. Seriously, how do you win with this guy?

Mega Gengar (named Morwen)

After the Silmarillion character, not the other one. So yeah, I trained her mostly because she is one of the fastest Destiny Bond users in the game and I wanted to piss off my husband.

Meganium (named Sakura)

A part of my Team Seven with Naruto (Ninetales, duh) and Sasuke (Luxray, we will come to that later). When they had that triple battle thing going on in – ORAS was it? – it would fill me with SO much joy to just be all “Go! Sakura! Sasuke! Naruto!” and see these three Pokémon versions of my precious Team Seven battle it out together. They actually won, quite a few times.

Meganium is another one I keep mostly for nostalgia even though I absolutely cannot figure out a way to use her effectively in a battle. I loved Chikorita – in the anime, in the game – and I love Meganium’s design. She’s a dinosaur with a gigantic cherry blossom / rafflesia hybrid on her! What’s there not to love?

Aggron (named Aragorn)

I mean, what else was I supposed to name him? This one was a pretty solid tank, and Stealth Rock / Iron Head was a great combination. For some reason, I also had Ice Beam in his moveset. I’m not sure why… I attribute this lapse in judgement to the fact that I didn’t know about special attack / attack stats at the time and somehow I never bothered to change it once I found out.

Lapras (named Nimrodel)

Loved her since the anime came out (Orange Islands!). Such a lovely, aesthetically pleasing design – simple yet unique. I really liked that about the older generations (1 and 2 being my favorites) and it’s part of the reason I just can’t relate to some of the newer ones.

My favorite strategy for her was using Perish Song when my opponent was on his last Pokémon – and then continuously healing to prolong the match. I am not usually one for prolonging an eventual loss, but it’s so satisfying sometimes, when your opponent realizes they really have no way to turn things around.

Whimsicott

My ultimate staller with Prankster. Caught and trained with the sole purpose of pissing my husband off. She’s also a giant ball of fluff, which is adorable.

Ninetales (named Naruto, obviously)

Although I had a female named Kushina too. Kyuubi references aside, this is such a gorgeous Pokémon. Believe it.

Tsareena (definitely named after an elf)

My majestic queen. Sucks that I don’t actually know how to win with her. Trop Kick is overrated. But she’s still really pretty and graceful. She’s like the Pokémon version of a female Legolas Greenleaf.

Gyarados (named Umi)

Oh, Umi-chan, how I wronged you. Her moveset consisted of Surf, Thunder, and… honestly, it’s embarrassing to even recall. Still, I absolutely adore this Pokémon – Red Gyarados had been a faithful member of my party during G/S/C. And I loved the whole Lake of Rage plot.

Nidoqueen (named Gondor)

In hindsight, kind of a dumb name. But she’s a pumped-up rabbit! And she has queen in her name! And Blue uses her! One of my favorite generation 1 designs, though I don’t use her in battles as much as I ought to.

Ninjask (no name)

Ah yes… remnants of an attempt at baton pass chaining that went horribly, horribly wrong. I also never use bugs. Icky. Ew.

Mega Steelix (name forgotten)

Because I loved Jasmine. One of my favorite Gym Leaders ever, after Misty and Whitney.

Absol (name forgotten)

Such a sexy design! If Umbreon hadn’t been named Itachi, this one would have. He’s definitely an Uchiha. Perhaps Shisui will do.

Alcremie (name forgotten)

I had a rainbow Alcremie with blueberry decorations. She was cute and yummy and it really, really bothers me that you can’t get a Gigantamax version for anything other than the default design. I want my enormous rainbow blueberry cake okay!

Aurorus (named Sting)

Because he was blue, and my Kalos team was my Lord of the Rings sword team, with Aegislash as Anduril and Florges as Hadhafang.

Another beautiful design, reminiscent of Meganium – but these dinosaurs just don’t move! They plod along slowly, and they’re bulky, yes, but they barely get in any attacks before they’re owned. Not to mention, ice-typing (like grass) isn’t amazing defensively.

Luxray (named Sasuke)

I had to have him because he has Sasuke’s duckbutt hair and emo vibe. Not to mention he is electric time. Chidori. It’s just too good to miss.

Liepard (named Arwen)

Chosen because of her slender, elegant design. And Fake Out.

Vaporeon (name forgotten)

I honestly would have a team of just Eeveelutions if I could. They’re all so fabulous. I can’t use Leafeon (the perfect Legolas!!!) and Flareon (my favorite of the original three!) because my husband uses them. But Vaporeon is great for both damaging and walling.

Glaceon (name forgotten, maybe it was Celeborn)

Cold and beautiful. Nothing more to say.

Mega Salamence (named Daenerys)

Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains

*aaaaAAAAAA-ing intensifies*

I loved using her mega with Return. Each time she attacked, it was definitive proof of how much she LOVED me. But then my husband had this annoying Mega Lopunny that knew Ice Punch and was frustratingly fast (and for the love of Arceus, I hated that floozy) and Daenerys just couldn’t win. She KO’d a bunch of other opponents though. Razed ’em down like King’s Landing.

I did want a Lopunny myself. Darn husband.

Mismagius (name forgotten)

Another pretty ghost, who I initially wanted because I was a big fan of Kris in the anime.

Mega Venusaur (named Finarfin)

Probably the only Pokémon for whom my husband and I broke our no-overlap rule. Because, you know, Kanto starters. You can’t have exclusivity on Kanto starters.

My husband was admittedly a lot better at leveraging him than I was, but he did win me a few battles with an admittedly copied moveset (I mean of course I am going to use a Big Root with Giga Drain too). Oh well.

Cinderace

Because I like soccer. And those other two Galar starter evolutions looked awful (to me). Down here in the list we’ve reached the Pokémon I barely used.

Electivire

Because Gary owned Ash with him, so I figured he’d be pretty strong. (*Gary, Gary, he’s our man, if he can’t do it, no one can!*)

This guy is pretty solid, I feel like I should leverage him more often. I’ve used him a grant total of 4 times but I’ve won each time so that’s gotta say something.

Gastrodon (name forgotten)

God, that name sounds like a stomach disease. Anyways, he was slow, but useful. Kind of a discount Lapras. I liked the guy.

Pangoro (named Boromir)

Because Pancham is such a cutie.

Florges (named Hadhafang)

For Aromatherapy. Because my husband spammed Toxic like Sasuke with his Mangekyo.

Alolan Diglett (named husband-killer)

Seriously. I hated the design. I had no other reason for using him, except that I wanted to see my husband’s face when this admittedly fast Pokémon pulled off Fissure and OHKO’d him in battle.

So yep, that’s my team! It’s missing some of my favorites (Lopunny, Talonflame, Leafeon, Serperior) because of the no-overlap agreement. But they’ve been with me over many years, through various regions (some of them cruelly barred from the most recent) – and they’re like my family.

Pokémon is literally, it’s the one anime I watch that I actually wish was real life. Because Shingeki, even Naruto – no thank you. I don’t want to deal with Titans or crazed megalomaniacs or weird moon-people.

But Pokémon? It’s safe for children to roam around unsupervised, you get free healthcare, you spend most of your years adventuring with fantastic creatures, and it’s the one relatively non-violent universe I can think of that has dragons!

I mean, I would trade my life for that in a heartbeat.

Uchiha massacre during my marriage proposal

I know, that title seems equal amounts of ludicrous and macabre. Hear me out, okay.

Everyone who knows me even moderately well, including my dear husband – let’s call him Satoshi – is uncomfortably aware of how obsessed I am with one Uchiha Itachi-kun.

Now at the time, Satoshi (my then-boyfriend) had read the Naruto manga, but hadn’t seen the anime. Travesty, I know, but I’d already used up my one ‘condition-you-must-fulfill-within-a-year-if-you-wish-to-continue-dating-me’ to make him watch and read The Lord of the Rings (he watched all three movies – extended editions, I may add – but gave up halfway through the first book; and the fact that we are still together speaks a lot about my generosity and open-mindedness as a person, I think).

So anyways, Satoshi hadn’t watched the Naruto anime. Which meant he was tragically uninitiated to the beautiful, heart-tugging, feels-inducing OST.

Now, I’m a bit high-maintenance, I admit. But with regards to the proposal, I didn’t have many expectations. All I wanted was the below:

  1. The One Ring to Rule Them All (or Galadriel’s ring Nenya) – if this was not possible, at least some sort of elvish inscription on the band
  2. A destination proposal
  3. An accompanying soundtrack, preferably from Naruto, preferably the slow version of the Naruto main theme that plays pre-Shippuden

Naturally, he knew none of this. That’s what girl best friends are for.

You see, once I’d accidentally-on-purpose discovered he’d bought me a ring (he sucked at lying and I could see the outline of the box pressing against his suitcase) my favorite girl friends happened to have a convenient little chat with him, where they told him about the soundtrack and whatnot. Or at least, that I wanted a soundtrack from Naruto.

And then we went on a convenient little holiday in Cyprus, where we visited this picturesque beach said to be the birthplace of Aphrodite – the Goddess of passion and pleasure and looove. The sun was setting. It was exactly 888 days after we’d begun dating (and you know how 8 = infinity). He had flowers, and a handmade book of reasons why he loved me. Not to mention, the ring – even if it wasn’t forged by Sauron – was stunning.

So really, +9385298539472398235 points to him for all of that. It makes me tear up now even thinking of it.

But then, Satoshi gets down on one knee… and strains of a familiarly creepy, haunting melody fill the air. One of those melodies that has been specifically composed to induce despair – with weird, jarring rattles and slashes (you know, of people being murdered).

Because yeah. It was the soundtrack that played when Itachi massacred the Uchiha clan. And my future husband was on one knee, asking him to marry him, and I basically died laughing.

And Satoshi’s eyes also grew comically wide because he realized that something about the vibe was off, and he clearly had the wrong soundtrack and I was cracking up – so he frantically tried searching for the right one, but then I told him it was okay, I didn’t need a soundtrack and he could just get on with it.

So I said yes. And then I laughed. A lot.

Turns out he’d been nervous and had forgotten he was supposed to have a soundtrack till the last moment. And then he hadn’t been sure what to use so he just typed “itachi soundtrack” or something along those lines into YouTube.

And Itachi doesn’t exactly have an official soundtrack named after him – it’s just that various users on YouTube attribute different soundtracks to him, and name them things like ‘Itachi’s theme’ or ‘Itachi OST’ depending on what soundtrack features heavily during his key moments.

And somehow one of the first options that came up (and the one that poor, unsuspecting Satoshi clicked) had been the one that played in the background as Itachi methodically killed off all his family members.

It was priceless, yes. A proposal to remember. I’m almost glad it happened – because everything else was a dream, so perfect – and this made it all 100 times more hilarious, and better.

For a moment, I thought of poking him on the forehead in response. Saying ‘Sorry, Satoshi, maybe next time’. But that would be ruthless and I did want to marry him.

So I did.

And then I made sure I had unilateral control over what songs played at our wedding, because I didn’t want to find myself walking down the aisle to the snake-y strains of Orochimaru, or the crescendo of Pein’s demonic choir.

Animal Crossing New Horizons Island Tour: Middle Earth Madness!

Animal Crossing New Horizons was a blessing from the Nintendo Gods.

You see, I am a bit of a control freak in that I enjoy meticulously planning what happens when and where and how – and watching things unfurl according to my plans. In the real world, this rarely happens. But in the perfectly programmed virtual world of ACNH… I was the God. I was the Valar. I was Yavanna, bestowing life to trees and flowers and shrubs, planting them amidst my paradise. I was Ulmo, creating lakes and rivers and waterfalls at the flick of my controller fingers. I was Aulë, the smith of the land, forging mountains and valleys and cheating the game to build on the fourth level.

I could control everything, including time (yes, I time-traveled, don’t judge). I mean, yes, some of more trivial – and frustrating – decision-making power was vested to those dratted algorithms, but there are ways around that (i.e. discord channels to trade simple panels, shelling out absurd amounts of money to buy amiibo cards on Mercari).

In the end, my hard work (which can be defined by ~400 hours of gameplay in the first 2 months) was rewarded and I got almost exactly what I wanted.

The problem was, I didn’t know what I wanted. Or rather, what I wanted fluctuated more wildly than Isabelle’s focus during daily announcements.

I redid my island from scratch 3 times – including terraforming and moving all the homes. At first I wanted to dedicate most of it to a Spirited Away-esque Japanese-style onsen area. Then I wanted to give the entire island a more natural aesthetic and give each villager their own 10 x 6 plot of land (uniquely decorated to suit their personalities) in my three-tier mountainous housing complex (with sea views, might I add!).

Finally, I realized the ultimate end-state of my island – it was so obvious, but perhaps I hadn’t had the guts to take on the challenge. Perhaps I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it justice. And perhaps, in a fit of short-sighted fatuity I had decided to name my island Valinor which, I am very well aware, is not Middle-Earth. Fool of a Took! Should’ve gone with Ennorath or Endor.

But eventually, I listened to the deep yearnings within my heart. No, not the sea. I made Middle-Earth! Or at least a mashup of various lands, incorporating elements from both the books and movies. And I present it to you below, in screenshots and in text.

Hobbiton

We start our journey at Bag-end. Note the no admittance sign, the green door and the tree right above the house. I had limitations with design of course, but I tried to emulate the general aesthetic.

We also have the party field (with cupcakes! and plenty of ale from the Green Dragon) along with a nice microphone stand. You know, for the speech.

I had a couple of other little hobbit homes (including Sprinkle – my favorite villager – who was supposed to be Sam, and had plenty of gardening clothes, a water pump and a clothesline in her backyard) and a nice bridge by the river. Crossing the bridge (beware of black riders!) brings you to…

Rivendell

We have the Council of Elrond, with the One Ring to Rule Them All right in the middle. I edited some custom paths to give them Elvish designs, and I can’t decide whether they’re tacky or fabulous. There are plenty of rivers and waterfalls in Rivendell, so I had fun with the terraforming. And that money-grubbing leech Tom Nook had fun with my wallet.

Not pictured here is Aragorn and Arwen’s make-out spot (with lots of shiny seashell furniture) and also the hot springs complex. Because, you know, I had a couple varieties of outdoor baths and springs leftover and it would be such a waste. And if anywhere in Middle-Earth had outdoor baths, you think it would be Rivendell, right?

Ooh, and I also made an outdoor spa. You know, for healing and whatnot. Frodo deserves a nice organic Elvish massage after being stabbed with a ringwraith’s sword, don’t you think?

Mines of Moria

Okay, I kind of skimped on this one. It’s just a big hole in the ground. But you have the Bridge of Khazad-dûm here, and I can tell you it’s a pain to get across! Not to mention all the Balrog fire! See the hole beneath those two flame? Well, that’s where Gandalf and the Balrog fell down, down, down…

On the left, you can see what I imagine is a strangely preserved corpse of Durin. Yep, I used all the dwarf statues to represent dead dwarves. Morbid, eh? And then scattered some rocks, iron ore and gold ore around to add to the whole mine aesthetic.

After enduring the terror and heat of Moria, it’s time for a respite, in…

Lothlorein

This photo doesn’t do it justice, and Lorein is really prettier at night. I have star shards and lights and glowy mushrooms casting everything in this ethereal Elven glow.

Note the harp (you know, so they can cry and sing sad songs about Mithrandir) and the basin. The tailor is also in Lorein, because Galadriel is obviously The Fashionista of Middle-Earth. She needs some Elven swag to pair with Nenya.

Edoras

Duh-duh-duh-duh-DUUUH-DUUUH-DUUUH-DUUUH

*violin (and tears) intensify*

If you read that without hearing it in your head, I don’t think I can be friends with you. Well, that’s fine, because I probably don’t actually know you.

Anyways, here we are: Rohan, Land of the Horse Lords. There’s something strange at work here. Some evil gives speed to these creatures, sets it’s will against us.

But we have here the Golden Hall of Meduseld. And horses, lots of horses! And homes thatched with hay! So in order to get the hay homes, I got a couple of the horse villagers like Victoria who I didn’t want. (The resident horse spot has already been taken to Colton, whom I adore). But then I time-skipped when she was moving out, so my new villager (my little tsundere squirrel MARSHALL) was stuck with her exterior.

We also see here the Simbelmynë – the delicate white flower that grows on the graves of Théodred and all the fallen Rohirrim.

And of course, given we are in Rohan now, you know what happens next, right? Well…

The beacons of Minas Tirith! The beacons are lit! Gondor calls for aid!

And Rohan will answer! MUSTER THE ROHIRRIM!

Ride now! Ride to Gondor!

Minas Tirith

Duh-DUH-DUUUUUH-Duh-Duh-DUUUH-DUUUH

We have just passed into the Realm of Gondor!

Minas Tirith was a pain to build. Do you know how many customized white panels that thing took?! These photos don’t really capture the magnitude of the thing. I must have time-travelled for months to collect everything before I could begin construction.

I am, however, quite proud of the top level. That bonsai is supposed to represent the White Tree. Just go with it, okay. It can be the Pink Tree of Gondor. Whatever. Yavanna was feeling edgy or something.

You have the Tower of Ecthelion, and of course the Beacon of Gondor. Which is LIT, just because. I tried making the courtyard with the fountain look the way it did in the movie. We also have on the right the palantir, and tons of GONDOR GEAR. I designed so much Gondor gear in ACNH – a cap, a varsity jacket, tank tops. I wish that stuff existed in real life because I would be rocking it 24/7.

The rest of Minas Tirith is just a collection of white objects really. In front you have Pelennor Fields, still littered with the remnants of battle. Why is the battle already over when the One Ring is still in Rivendell? Don’t ask me, I was going for aesthetic, not timeline consistency, okay.

You see the fallen axe and half the skeleton of a decaying oliphuant because damn fossils, I am sick of digging up freaking coprolite, it is cheap and looks like a pile of manure!

Obviously, it was the one that Legolas kills. And no, Gimli, you buffoon. That does NOT only count as one. Oliphaunts count for like 50 orcs, at least.

Isengard, Fangorn Forest, The Argonath (damnit Redd, I need a second gallant statue!) are still in progress. As are the Grey Havens (because I need to do something with all that beach space).

Anyways, hoped you enjoyed my virtual tour and blathering commentary. Oh, that’s why he’s named that. Huh, I just figured it out.

Namárië, mellon. May the Light of Eärendil be with you.

Anime Crush List ♡

Yes, I’m a 28-year old married woman gushing about my hypothetical harem of 2D dudes. Get over it.

You see, there is something just sublime about anime boys…

Their perfectly crafted, perfectly symmetrical faces, all straight lines and triangular jaws and angled eyebrows…

Hair that maintains its immaculate styling and gloss no matter how many egotistical would-be world conquerors they’ve just defeated in battle, how many physically impossible sports matches they’ve just won…

Perfectly drawn chiseled torsos (although sometimes mysteriously bereft of nipples depending on the anime-verse)…

Eyes that gleam golden or purple or red, or change color when they’re angry or when they’ve awakened some hidden bloodline ability or activated their latent powers…

I am getting carried away but you get the point.

After much deliberation and about five drafts, I am releasing my ranked list below (top-left to bottom-right).

Note my self-imposed rule of only one character per anime (otherwise half of these would have been from Naruto).

And I’m really sorry to those left out – don’t worry, I still have plenty of space in my heart to love you all.

[EDIT: I recently reread and rewatched all of Death Note, till episode 24 because that’s where the manga/anime ends and L figures it all out and he wins and goes and opens a cake / tea shop with Levi from Shingeki or something and it highlighted my gross and frankly inexcusable oversight. Because Ryuzaki / L. Lawliet is not honorable mention material. No, Ryuzaki / L. Lawliet is prime husband material. He is top-row-of-my-collage-that-I-cannot-be-bothered-to-remake material. He is worthy-of-watching-youtube-videos-that-feature-him-eating-for-fifteen-minutes material. I am in love with him and everything he does. Sorry, Oikawa, you’re off the list.]

Crush #1: Uchiha Itachi-kun ♡ [Naruto]

Itachi is the love of my life, and the reason for many tears and much heartache over the past few years.

I cried when he died. I cried when we died in flashback. I cried when he came back. I cried when he died again. I have the Japanese recording of ‘no matter what you do, I will always love you’ saved as an mp3 file on my phone.

Let’s forget the moral arguments surrounding the whole massacre for a moment and just talk about what a SELF-SACRIFICING SWEETHEART he is. Not to mention OP as hell when he fights.

I mean, Sasuke only won against him because 1) Itachi was sick and 2) Itachi was actively trying to lose. Has Itachi ever actually been defeated by anyone when it wasn’t intentional on his part? No. Not to mention he is SO damned smart, like the whole 5-D chess thing with kotoamatsukami…

Speaking of genjutsu, Itachi-kun please feel free to tsukiyo-ME like you did Izumi Uchiha so we can have 72 hours of marital bliss and dango dates and – OK. I’M DONE.

Favorite feature: eyes / eyelashes – not for the Mangekyou Sharingan (which is HOT) but the general shape, they’re so beautifully drawn. Also that luscious hair.

Favorite moment: Sorry, Sasuke, this is the last time. Oh, and also that rhythmic gymnastic shuriken scene that’s been flashback-ed to like a zillion times. Oh, and when he cries after the whole ‘foolish little brother’ spiel. OH, and when – ok, I’ll stop.

I will sum up my ode to Itachi with a haiku that I wrote in college, with the limited vocabulary of a Japanese 101 student. I thought it was genius back then. I mean, I kind of still do.

イタチくん

あいしてるけど

しんだよね

Translation: Itachi, I love you, but you’re dead

Honorable mentions from Naruto: Namikaze Minato, Hyuuga Neji (*cries, why are they all dead*)

Crush #2: Tachibana Makoto-kun ♡ [Free!]

There is nothing even controversial about this one. Makoto is the perfect friend / brother / son to everyone around him. And the perfect husband, and perfect father to my imaginary backstroking babies. Also, his seiyuu (voice actor) is very attractive.

And his abs. And his chest. There is a reason he won that muscle contest in season 1.

And when he plays with little kids he’s so sweet and I just melt like ice in a katon jutsu and sakdjfbskdfsdg

So I actually took a solo trip to Iwami (that’s the town in Japan that Iwatobi was inspired by, maybe I’ll make a post about it later). I stood outside the house that Makoto-kun’s house is based off of, like some kind of creepy stalker, and pretended I was, you know, waiting for him or something, you know, like for a date.

My lovely husband (then boyfriend) also had the overwhelming patience to come with me to Iwami a SECOND TIME and he did a really good impression of Makoto’s voice, so, yeah… I mean it was lots of ‘ohayou, Haru-chan’ and hand-pulling. Unfortunately he refused to do the voice when we – OKAY TMI.

Favorite feature: chest / abs

Favorite moment: the one pictured because his hair looks sexy pushed back (see, I can do non-anime references too!)

Honorable mentions from Free!: Kirishima Natsuya-kun hot damn. Also Matsuoka Rin but mostly because I love his voice actor.

Crush #3: Ryota Kise-kun ♡ [Kuroko’s Basketball]

I sobbed after the Kaijou-Touou match. My heart literally folded over in my chest and I was bawling.

As for the Seirin-Kaijou Winter Cup match. Well. I mean. Kise dominated and Kaijou won, right?? I mean. I stopped watching when there were only about 5 seconds left, but Kaijou was winning so THEY OBVIOUSLY WON RIGHT??!! It’s not like you can score in the last 5 seconds. Psh.

But yes, Kise-kun. Copy Ninja Kise with his golden Sharingan. I am convinced he is the strongest out of the Generation of Miracles (fight me!)

The logic behind this conclusion follows thusly: the others have years of experience on him. Kise-kun only started in his second year at Teikou. So by the time the Winter Cup rolled around, he’d only had 2-3 years to play, compared to Aomine who’d been playing for 10+ years. Kise-kun is OP and he’s only going to get stronger. And hotter, if he just stops cutting his damn hair.

Favorite feature: eyes / eyelashes (especially when he does perfect copy and they get all glowy and intense)

Favorite moment: when he copies Aomine and manages to score after being fouled mid-air (you know the one, with the smirk). All the perfect copy moments are pretty great though.

Honorable mention from Kuroko: Akashi-kun but only because I adore his voice actor Kamiya Hiroshi (Levi-heichou!)

Crush #4: Jean Kirstein ♡ [Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan]

I know he’s not the top pick for most readers but honestly, if you’re up to date with the manga, please tell me he’s not great boyfriend / husband material. He’s flawed, yes, but he’s real, and he’s honest – and he’s improved himself. His character development has been one of my favorites to witness, and his leadership skills are top-notch.

And since when is looking like a horse a bad thing?! Post-timeskip his character design became soooo dreamy. Mikasa, girl, you need to ditch Ereh the dinosaur, and go for the stallion! Make all those panels of his daydream come true!

Favorite feature: HAIR. Post-timeskip. See I typically have a deep-seated aversion towards post-timeskip hairstyle changes (Naruto-kun, Sasuke-kun, Kise-kun, I am looking at you) but in Jean’s case. Wow. Yee-haw.

Favorite moment: when he can’t shoot that military police girl. I think his inability to do it says so much about his morality – no matter the circumstances, he’s just not a killer. He really struggles afterwards, and I think that speaks to how pure of a person he is.

Honorable mention from Shingeki no Kyojin: my precious chibi shuriken Levi-heichou (like with Akashi-kun, a majority of the attraction here is his voice)

Crush #5: Hayama Akira-kun ♡ [Shokugeki no Souma]

MY FELLOW DESI BOY!

I am certain Akira-kun is Indian and nothing anyone says will convince me otherwise. I mean, I’m Indian. Us desis, we can sense the desi-ness in one another. A desi radar, so to speak.

Jun found him in India, right? And all he cooks is South Indian curry! I was so happy to have Indian representation in anime, not to mention he has the whole Itachi hairstyle going so that’s always plus points from me.

See, I can’t cook, so it makes perfect sense for me to marry him. He can just cook me delicious Indian curry every day and I will never feel homesick. We can also bond about shared experiences and whatnot, being Indians living in Japan. It’s a match made in anime heaven!

Favorite feature: skin (such a beautiful color), Itachi-hair

Favorite moment: this has more to do with which dish of his I crave most, so it would have to be the Autumn Election naan pot pie curry

Honorable mention from Shokugeki: Kurokiba Ryou-kun because if Akira-kun has the Itachi vibe going on, Ryou-kun definitely has the Sasuke vibe.


Crush #6: Gary Oak ♡ [Pokémon]

The one anime where I watch the dub instead of the sub.

Gary Oak was my first crush ever. I think I was six. At first I thought I might have a crush on Ash – but then Gary rolled by in his ferrari, and his Eevee and the whole suave ‘Gary was here, Ash is a loser’ thing which I thought was so cool as a six-year-old – and I was swept off my feet.

And then in Johto he got boots and a cape and his Eevee evolved into Umbreon, who is, incidentally my favorite Pokémon ever! (and also the Pokémon version of Itachi). So all that amped up his cool factor.

And then he got a LAB COAT which made him even cooler.

And yes, I realize he’s a bit of an arrogant twat and his voice is a tad grating (like the Janice of the Pokémon world) but he’s also GARY F****** OAK. No, I don’t mean to use expletives, but there’s that song. You must have heard of it? You know, he’s Gary F****** Oak, he’s on a boat, something like that. It’s on YouTube and it’s amazing.

I liked Gary so much that I sometimes lost to him on purpose (well actually Blue, but let’s assume they’re the same for now) just so I’d get to battle him again.

I liked Gary so much that once I named my character something really stupid just so it’d seem like he was flirting with me each time I encountered him.

He was the best rival. He was the strongest rival. He was the ultimate rival (unlike all those sycophantic weaklings that follow you around nowadays, trying to be your friend; like damnit Sana/Hau/Hop, leave me alone! See if it were Gary, I’d actually probably want to be his friend though… eventually… after he’d trash-talked and destroyed me a few times because I’m kind of a masochist).

And, he had the best damn soundtrack.

Favorite feature: hair that defies gravity (like Kakashi-sensei!) and dress sense (cape + boots can never go wrong)

Favorite moment: this very specific shot during the Johto opening song where he whirls around in his cape and Umbreon jumps onto his shoulder

Honorable mention from Pokémon: Champion Lance (I have a thing for capes, okay) and obviously Ash Ketchum, the boy of eternal youth – at least before they changed his character design for Sun/Moon. I actually like Red more than Ash. And Blue, of course, if we’re distinguishing. Red and Blue are >>> Ash and Gary. And the Pokémon manga is >>> the anime. But that’s a conversation for another time.

Crush #7: Kururugi Suzaku-kun ♡ [Code Geass]

Another slightly controversial one perhaps, though I’ve never quite understood all the animosity direct at him. I guess his position on things is a bit sketchy at times. And let’s forget about the whole Freya debacle for a moment because in case you may not have noticed, this is an entirely shallow post and I do not want to be dragged into moral debates, even within my own mind.

I always thought I’d like Lelouch best, but somehow as the anime progressed, I found myself more drawn to Suzaku. I think a part of it was because of Lancelot. If I were a knightmare and knightmares were sentient, I’d have a crush on Lancelot. When I was in high school I wanted to buy a white convertible car and name it Lancelot.

Ok, enough about Lancelot the sexiest knightmare frame ever. Back to Suzaku. He also does the whole spin-kick thing. I don’t know what it is about me, but spinning in anime is somehow way cooler than it ought to be.

Levi-heichou does it. Suzaku does it.

I don’t remember what the timeline was like, but there was definitely a point in my life where I was into the brown-hair-green-eye aesthetic, what with Makoto and Suzaku, and also Eren at the time.

Favorite feature: eyes

Favorite moment: spin-kick from above during Lelouch’s coronation

Crush #8: Tooru Oikawa-kun ♡ [Haikyuu!]

So a part of me will admit that the main reason I like him is because he is the Kise Ryouta of the volleyball world. Basically, if I’d broken up with Kise-kun and needed a rebound, Oikawa-kun would be it.

BUT I also love his form when he does the jump serve. And Seijoh’s jersey is turquoise which is my favorite color. So, extra points to Oikawa-kun for that.

Favorite feature: I realized that objectively, I do not actually like his aesthetic / design that much. I don’t find the character designs in Haikyuu! all that attractive in general. But somehow, overall – he makes it work. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps just his inherent Kise-ness?

Favorite moment: any of the jump serves really, I love watching those each time

Crush #9: Legolas Greenleaf ♡ [The Lord of the Rings]

Okay, so I realize that Orlando Bloom is a real person. And the Lord of the Rings was never an anime. But it just felt wrong making a list of fictional crushes and not having Legolas on it. That’s like Shingeki without the Kyojin. Or Free! without the pools. Or Shokugeki without the food. You get my gist.

I was, and still am, a proud Legolas fangirl. And I reject the non-canon affections he had on Tauriel because you know what, those weren’t in the book.

Nor were some of his fight scenes, but you’d assume Tolkien would have written in something as crucial as romance for a semi-titular character (*cough appendices cough*).

Anyways. Back to Legolas Greenleaf.

When I was ten, I had a poster of him in my room, gifted to me by my best friend. It’s crumpled and tattered and yellowed but I still have it. Somewhere.

I had his photograph in my wallet, and my locker was a shrine to him.

I’d write his name and my name (in Elvish, obviously) inside of a little heart, all over my school notebooks.

I had a list of Legolas-centric e-mail IDs, proudly created (before some other nazgul could steal them!) and circulated during my naive high school years – legolasluver@ and mrsgreenleaf@ – that type of thing. Clearly, my creativity knew no bounds back then.

I have forgotten the passwords to all of them, but it’s probably something in Elvish. (mellon?)

Anyways, it’s safe to say that I was obsessed with Legolas. He’d actually be ranked right up there with Itachi. The only reason he’s at spot #9 is because he loses points for being portrayed by a 3-dimensional human. Not that I have anything against 3-dimensional humans but this is an anime listing so there are rules that have to be followed.

Favorite feature: ears (I once seriously considered getting plastic surgery on my ears. You know, to make them round. People can’t know I’m an elf and it’s tiring to constantly maintain the illusion. On a more serious note, I once photoshopped a bunch of my photos to make it look like I had pointed ears, and several of my friends actually believed I’d gotten surgery done).

Favorite moment: I can’t pick one so take my top 4 in chronological order: “I’ve got seventeen! Nineteen!”; sliding down stairs on orc shield at Helm’s Deep; oliphaunt at Pelennor Fields; Aragorn’s coronation in that gorgeous shimmery silver tunic

Honorable mentions from The Lord of the Rings (including the books) and I’m also going to throw Silmarillion in there because SO MANY CRUSH-WORTHY ELVES: Glorfindel and Fingolfin to name my favorites. Fingolfin is probably my favorite elf in the entire legendarium (well Fëanor too but he’s also kind of… not husband material). But he didn’t make the list because there’s no ‘official’ image of him for me to fangirl over. Oh, and from the men, Eomer. Aragorn is less of a crush and more of just, a God. Like the Valar, only he’s mortal and mostly human.

Honorable mentions from other anime:

Roy Mustang (Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood) – snap snap *bursts into flames*

L (Death Note) – Sasuke-hair, goth eyeshadow, various cute idiosyncrasies and somehow very attractive despite his deplorable posture – which I once emulated while studying for exams, and no, it did not improve my grades